Tuesday's Serial: "The Eunuch" by Terentius (translated into English by Edward St. John Parry) - III

ACT IV

Scene 1 - Enter Dorias, with a casket in her hand.

DORIAS – (to herself) So may the Gods bless me, but from what I have seen, I'm terribly afraid that this mad fellow will be guilty of some disturbance to-day or of some violence to Thais. For when this young man, the brother of the damsel, arrived, she begged the Captain to order him to be admitted; he immediately began to get into a passion, and yet didn't dare refuse; Thais still insisted that he would invite the man in. This she did for the sake of detaining him; because there was no opportunity just then of telling him what she wanted to disclose about her sister. He was invited in, and took his seat. Then she entered into discourse with him. But the Captain, fancying it was a rival brought before his very eyes, wanted in his turn to mortify her: "Hark you, boy," said he, "go fetch Pamphila, that she may amuse us here." She exclaimed, "At a banquet! Certainly not." The Captain still persisted to a downright quarrel. Meanwhile my mistress secretly took off her golden jewels, and gave them to me to take away: this is a sign, I'm sure, that she'll betake herself from there as soon as she possibly can. (goes into the house)

 

Scene 2 - Enter Phaedria.

PHAEDRIA – (to himself) While I was going into the country, I began on the road, as it mostly happens when there is any anxiety on the mind, to reflect with myself upon one thing after another, and upon every thing in the worst light. What need of words? While I was musing thus, inadvertently I passed my country-house. I had already got some distance from it, when I perceived this; I returned again, really feeling quite uneasy; when I came to the very turning that leads to the house, I came to a stop, and began to reason with myself; "What! must I stay here alone for two days without her? Well, and what then? It's nothing at all. What? Nothing at all? Well now, if I haven;t the privilege of touching her, am I not even to have that of seeing her? If I may not do the one, at least I may the other. Surely to love at a distance even, is better than nothing at all." I purposely passed the house. But how's this, that Pythias is suddenly hurrying out in such a fright? (Stands apart)

 

Scene 3 - Enter PYTHIAS and DORIAS in haste from the house of Thais.

PYTHIAS – (aloud) Where, wretch that I am, shall I find this wicked and impious fellow? Or where look for him? That he should dare to commit so audacious a crime as this! I'm ruined outright!

PHAEDRIA – (apart) I dread what this may be.

PYTHIAS - Besides, too, the villain, after he had abused the girl, rent all the poor thing's clothes, and tore her hair as well.

PHAEDRIA – (apart, in surprise) Ha!

PYTHIAS - If he were just now in my reach, how eagerly would I fly at that villain's eyes with my nails!

PHAEDRIA – (apart) Really I can't imagine what disturbance has happened to us at home in my absence. I'll accost them. Going up to them. What's the matter? Why in such haste? Or whom are you looking for, Pythias?

PYTHIAS - Why, Phaedria, whom should I be looking for? Away with you, as you deserve, with such fine presents of yours.

PHAEDRIA – What is the matter?

PYTHIAS - What, do you ask? The Eunuch you gave us, what confusion he has caused. He has ravished the girl whom the Captain made present of to my mistress.

PHAEDRIA – What is it you say?

PYTHIAS - I'm ruined outright!

PHAEDRIA – You are drunk.

PYTHIAS - I wish that they were so, who wish ill to me.

DORIAS - Oh, prithee, my dear Pythias, what a monstrous thing this is!

PHAEDRIA – You are out of your senses. How could a Eunuch possibly do this?

PYTHIAS - I know nothing about him: as to what he has done, the thing speaks for itself. The girl is in tears; and when you ask her what's the matter, she does not dare tell. But he, a precious fellow, is nowhere to be seen. To my sorrow I suspect too, that when he took himself off he carried something away from the house.

PHAEDRIA – I can not enough wonder, whither this varlet can possibly have betaken himself to any distance from here; unless perhaps he has returned home to our house.

PYTHIAS - Pray, go and see whether he is there.

PHAEDRIA – I'll let you know immediately. (Goes into the house of Laches)

DORIAS - Ruined outright! Prithee, my dear, I never did so much as hear of a deed so abominable!

PYTHIAS - Why, faith, I had heard that they were extremely fond of the women, but were incapable; unfortunately what has happened never came into my mind; otherwise I should have shut him up somewhere, and not have intrusted the girl to him.

 

Scene 4 - Enter Phaedria from the house of Laches, with Dorus in Chaerea's clothes.

PHAEDRIA – (dragging him out) Come out, you villain! What, do you lag behind, you runaway? Out with you, you sorry bargain!

DORUS – (crying out) Mercy, I do entreat you!

PHAEDRIA – Oh, do look at that! How the villain distorts his face. What means your coming back hither? Why this change of dress? What have you to say? If I had delayed a moment, Pythias, I shouldn't have found him at home: he had just prepared, in this fashion, for flight. Pointing at his dress.

PYTHIAS - Have you caught the fellow, pray?

PHAEDRIA – Caught him, why not?

PYTHIAS - O well done!

DORIAS - Upon my faith that really is capital!

PYTHIAS - Where is he?

PHAEDRIA – Do you ask the question? Don't you see him? (pointing to the Eunuch)

PYTHIAS – (staring about) See whom, pray?

PHAEDRIA – This fellow, to be sure pointing .

PYTHIAS - What person is this?

PHAEDRIA – The same that was brought to your house to-day.

PYTHIAS - Not one of our people has ever beheld this person with her eyes, Phaedria.

PHAEDRIA – Not beheld him?

PYTHIAS - Prithee, did you fancy that this was he who was brought to our house?

PHAEDRIA – Why, I had no other.

PYTHIAS - O dear! this one really isn't to be compared with the other. He was of a handsome and genteel appearance.

PHAEDRIA – He seemed so, just then, because he was decked out in party-colored clothes:1 now he appears ugly, for this reason--because he hasn't got them on.

PYTHIAS - Prithee, do hold your tongue; as though indeed the difference was so trifling. A young man was brought to our house to-day, whom, really, Phaedria, you would have liked to look upon. This is a withered, antiquated, lethargic, old fellow, with a speckled complexion.

PHAEDRIA – (starting) Hah! What tale is this? You'll so befool me that I sha'n't know what I bought. (to Dorus) How now, sirrah, did I not buy you?

DORUS – You did buy me.

PYTHIAS - Bid him answer me in my turn.

PHAEDRIA – Question him.

PYTHIAS – (to Dorus) Did you come here to-day to our house? DORUS shakes his head. He says, no. But it was the other one that came, about sixteen years of age; whom Parmeno brought with him.

PHAEDRIA – (to Dortus) Well now, in the first place tell me this, where did you get that dress that you have on? What, are you silent? Monster of a fellow, are you not going to speak? Shakes him.

DORUS – Chaerea came.

PHAEDRIA – What, my brother?

DORUS – Yes.

PHAEDRIA – When?

DORUS – To-day.

PHAEDRIA – How long since?

DORUS – Just now.

PHAEDRIA – With whom?

DORUS – With Parmeno.

PHAEDRIA – Did you know him before?

DORUS – No.

PHAEDRIA – How did you know he was my brother?

DORUS – Parmeno said he was. He gave me these clothes.

PHAEDRIA – I'm undone!

DORUS – He himself put on mine; afterward, they both went out together.

PYTHIAS - Now are you quite satisfied that I am sober, and that we have told you no falsehood? Is it now sufficiently evident that the girl has been ravished?

PHAEDRIA – Avaunt, you beast, do you believe what he says?

PYTHIAS - What is there to believe? The thing speaks for itself.

PHAEDRIA – (apart to Dorus) Step aside a little this way. Do you hear? (Dorus steps aside) A little further still. That will do. Now tell me this once more; did Chaerea take your clothes off you?

DORUS – He did.

PHAEDRIA – And did he put them on?

DORUS – He did.

PHAEDRIA – And was he brought here instead of you?

DORUS – Yes.

PHAEDRIA – Great Jupiter! O wicked and audacious fellow!

PYTHIAS - Woe unto me! Now at last will you believe that we have been insulted in a disgraceful manner?

PHAEDRIA – It is no wonder that you believe what the fellow says. Aside. What I'm to do I know not. Aside to DORUS. Hark you, deny it all again. Aloud. Can I not this day extract the truth from you? Did you really see my brother Chaerea?

DORUS – No.

PHAEDRIA – He can't be brought to confess without being punished, I see: follow me this way. At one moment he affirms, at another denies. Aside. Ask pardon of me.

DORUS – Indeed, I do entreat you, Phaedria.

PHAEDRIA – (kicking him) Be off in-doors.

DORUS – Oh! oh!

PHAEDRIA – aside. How in any other fashion to get decently out of this I don't know; for really it's all up with me. Aloud, with pretended indignation. Will you be trifling with me even here, you knave? (foollows Dorus into the house)

PYTHIAS - I'm as certain that this is the contrivance of Parmeno as that I'm alive.

DORIAS - So it is, no doubt.

PYTHIAS - I'faith, I'll find out a method to-day to be even with him. But now, what do you think ought to be done, Dorias?

DORIAS - Do you mean with regard to this girl?

PYTHIAS - Yes; whether I ought to mention it or be silent?

DORIAS - Upon my word, if you are prudent, you won't know what you do know, either about the Eunuch or the girl's misfortune. By this method you'll both rid yourself of all perplexity, and have done a service to her. Say this only, that Dorus has run away.

PYTHIAS - I'll do so.

DORIAS - But don't I see Chremes? Thais will be here just now.

PYTHIAS - Why so?

DORIAS - Because when I came away from there, a quarrel had just commenced between them.

PYTHIAS - Take in these golden trinkets; I shall learn from him what's the matter. DORIAS takes the casket into the house.

 

Scene 5 - Enter Chremes, somewhat drunk.

CHREMES - Heyday! upon my faith, I've been bamboozled: the wine that I've drunk has got the upper hand. But, so long as I was reclining, how extremely sober I did seem to myself to be; when I got up, neither feet nor senses were quite equal to their duty.

PYTHIAS - Chremes!

CHREMES – (turning round) Who's that? What, Pythias; dear me, how much more charming you now seem to me than a short time since!

PYTHIAS - Troth now, you are much more merry, that's certain.

CHREMES - Upon my faith, it is a true saying, that "Venus grows cold without Ceres and Bacchus." But has Thais got here long before me?

PYTHIAS - Has she already come away from the Captain's?

CHREMES - A long time ago; an age since. There has been a most violent quarrel between them.

PYTHIAS - Did she say nothing about you following her?

CHREMES - Nothing at all; only, on going away, she gave me a nod.

PYTHIAS - Well now, wasn't that enough?

CHREMES - Why, I didn't know that she meant that, until the Captain gave me an explanation, because I was dull of comprehension; for he bundled me out of the house. But look, here she is; I wonder how it was I got here before her.

 

Scene 6 - Enter Thais.

THAIS – (to herself) I really do believe that he'll be here presently, to force her away from me. Let him come; but if he touches her with a single finger, that instant his eyes shall be torn out. I can put up with his impertinences and his high-sounding words, as long as they remain words: but if they are turned into realities, he shall get a drubbing.

CHREMES - Thais, I've been here some time.

THAIS – O my dear Chremes, you are the very person I was wanting. Are you aware that this quarrel took place on your account, and that the whole of this affair, in fact, bore reference to yourself?

CHREMES - To me? How so, pray?

THAIS – Because, while I've been doing my best to recover and restore your sister to you, this and a great deal more like it I've had to put up with.

CHREMES - Where is she?

THAIS – At home, at my house.

CHREMES – (starting) Hah!

THAIS – What's the matter? She has been brought up in a manner worthy of yourself and of her.

CHREMES - What is it you say?

THAIS – That which is the fact. Her I present to you, nor do I ask of you any return for her.

CHREMES - Thanks are both felt and shall be returned in such way, Thais, as you deserve.

THAIS – But still, take care, Chremes, that you don't lose her, before you receive her from me; for it is she, whom the Captain is now coming to take away from me by force. Do you go, Pythias, and bring out of the house the casket with the tokens.

CHREMES – (looking down the side Scene) Don't you see him, Thais?

PYTHIAS – (to Thais) Where is it put?

THAIS – In the clothes' chest. Tiresome creature, why do you delay? PYTHIAS goes into the house.

CHREMES - What a large body of troops the Captain is bringing with him against you. Bless me!

THAIS – Prithee, are you frightened, my dear sir?

CHREMES - Get out with you. What, I frightened? There's not a man alive less so.

THAIS – Then now is the time to prove it.

CHREMES - Why, I wonder what sort of a man you take me to be.

THAIS – Nay, and consider this too; the person that you have to deal with is a foreigner; of less influence than you, less known, and one that has fewer friends here.

CHREMES - I'm aware of that; but it's foolish to run the risk of what you are able to avoid. I had rather we should prevent it, than, having received an injury, avenge ourselves upon him. Do you go in and fasten the door, while I run across hence to the Forum; I should like us to have the aid of some legal adviser in this disturbance. Moves, as if going.

THAIS – (holding him) Stay.

CHREMES - Let me go, I'll be here presently.

THAIS – There's no occasion, Chremes. Only say that she is your sister, and that you lost her when a little girl, and have now recognized her; then show the tokens.

(Re-enter Pythias from the house, with the trinkets)

PYTHIAS – (giving them to Thais) Here they are.

THAIS – (giving them to Chremes) Take them. If he offers any violence, summon the fellow to justice; do you understand me?

CHREMES - Perfectly.

THAIS – Take care and say this with presence of mind.

CHREMES - I'll take care.

THAIS – Gather up your cloak. Aside. Undone! the very person whom I've provided as a champion, wants one himself. They all go into the house.

 

Scene 7 - Enter Thraso, followed by Gnatho, Sanga, and other Attendants.

THRASO - Am I to submit, Gnatho, to such a glaring affront as this being put upon me? I'd die sooner. Simalio, Donax, Syriscus, follow me! First, I'll storm the house.

GNATHO - Quite right.

THRASO - I'll carry off the girl.

GNATHO - Very good.

THRASO - I'll give her own self a mauling.

GNATHO - Very proper.

THRASO – (arranging the men) Advance hither to the main body, Donax, with your crowbar; you, Simalio, to the left wing; you, Syriscus, to the right. Bring up the rest; where's the centurion Sanga, and his maniple of rogues?

SANGA – (coming forward) See, here he is.

THRASO - What, you booby, do you think of fighting with a dish-clout, to be bringing that here?

SANGA – What, I? I knew the valor of the general, and the prowess of the soldiers; and that this could not possibly go on without bloodshed; how was I to wipe the wounds?

THRASO - Where are the others?

SANGA – Plague on you, what others? Sannio is the only one left on guard at home.

THRASO – (to Gnatho) Do you draw up your men in battle order; I'll be behind the second rank; from that position I'll give the word to all. Takes his place behind the second rank.

GNATHO – (aside) That's showing prudence; as soon as he has drawn them up, he secures a retreat for himself.

THRASO – (pointing to the arrangements) This is just the way Pyrrhus used to proceed.

(Chremes and Thais appear above at a window)

CHREMES - Do you see, Thais, what plan he is upon? Assuredly, that advice of mine about closing the door was good.

THAIS – He who now seems to you to be a hero, is in reality a mere vaporer; don't be alarmed.

THRASO – (to Gnatho) What seems best to you?

GNATHO - I could very much like a sling to be given you just now, that you might pelt them from here on the sly at a distance; they would be taking to flight.

THRASO – (to Gnatho) But look pointing , I see Thais there herself.

GNATHO - How soon are we to fall to?

THRASO - Hold holding him back ; it behooves a prudent person to make trial of every thing before arms. How do you know but that she may do what I bid her without compulsion?

GNATHO - Ye Gods, by our trust in you, what a thing it is to be wise! I never come near you but what I go away from you the wiser.

THRASO - Thais, in the first place, answer me this. When I presented you that girl, did you not say that you would give yourself up to me alone for some days to come?

THAIS – Well, what then?

THRASO - Do you ask the question? You, who have been and brought your lover under my very eyes? What business had you with him? With him, too, you clandestinely betook yourself away from me.

THAIS – I chose to do so.

THRASO - Then give me back Pamphila; unless you had rather she were taken away by force.

CHREMES - Give her back to you, or you lay hands upon her? Of all the----

GNATHO - Ha! What are you about? Hold your tongue.

THRASO - What do you mean? Am I not to touch my own?

CHREMES - Your own, indeed, you gallows-bird!

GNATHO – (to Chremes) Have a care, if you please. You don't know what kind of man you are abusing now.

CHREMES – (to Gnatho) Won't you be off from here? Do you know how matters stand with you? If you cause any disturbance here to-day, I'll make you remember the place, and day, and me too, for the rest of your life.

GNATHO - I pity you, who are making so great a man as this your enemy.

CHREMES - I'll break your head this instant if you are not off.

GNATHO - Do you really say so, puppy? Is it that you are at?

THRASO – (to Chremes) What fellow are you? What do you mean? What business have you with her?

CHREMES - I'll let you know: in the first place, I assert that she is a freeborn woman.

THRASO – (starting) Ha!

CHREMES - A citizen of Attica.

THRASO - Whew!

CHREMES - My own sister.

THRASO - Brazen face!

CHREMES - Now, therefore, Captain, I give you warning; don't you use any violence toward her. Thais, I'm going to Sophrona, the nurse, that I may bring her here and show her these tokens.

THRASO - What! Are you to prevent me from touching what's my own?

CHREMES - I will prevent it, I tell you.

GNATHO – (to Thraso) Do you hear him? He is convicting himself of theft. Is not that enough for you?

THRASO - Do you say the same, Thais?

THAIS – Go, find some one to answer you. (She and Chremes go away from the window)

THRASO – (to Gnatho) What are we to do now?

GNATHO - Why, go back again: she'll soon be with you, of her own accord, to entreat forgiveness.

THRASO - Do you think so?

GNATHO - Certainly, yes. I know the disposition of women: when you will, they won't; when you won't, they set their hearts upon you of their own inclination.

THRASO - You judge right.

GNATHO - Shall I dismiss the army then?

THRASO - Whenever you like.

GNATHO - Sanga, as befits gallant soldiers, take care in your turn to remember your homes and hearths.

SANGA – My thoughts have been for some time among the sauce-pans.

GNATHO - You are a worthy fellow.

THRASO – (putting himself at their head) You follow me this way. (all leaves)

Tuesday's Serial: "The Eunuch" by Terentius (translated into English by Edward St. John Parry) - II

ACT 3

Scene 1 - Enter Thraso and Gnatho.

THRASO - Did Thais really return me many thanks?

GNATHO - Exceeding thanks.

THRASO - Was she delighted, say you?

GNATHO - Not so much, indeed, at the present itself, as because it was given by you; really, in right earnest, she does exult at that. Enter PARMIENO unseen, from LACHES' house.

PARMENO – (apart) I've come here to be on the look-out, that when there is an opportunity I may take the presents. But see, here's the Captain.

THRASO - Undoubtedly it is the case with me, that every thing I do is a cause for thankfulness.

GNATHO - Upon my faith, I've observed it.

THRASO - The most mighty King, even, always used to give me especial thanks for whatever I did; but not so to others.

GNATHO - He who has the wit that you have, often by his words appropriates to himself the glory that has been achieved by the labor of others.

THRASO - You've just hit it.

GNATHO - The king, then, kept you in his eye.

THRASO - Just so.

GNATHO - To enjoy your society.

THRASO - True; he intrusted to? me all his army, all his state secrets.

GNATHO - Astonishing!

THRASO - Then if, on any occasion, a surfeit of society, or a dislike of business, came upon him, when he was desirous to take some recreation; just as though--you understand?

GNATHO - I know; just as though on occasion he would rid his mind of those anxieties.

THRASO - You have it. Then he used to take me aside as his only boon companion.

GNATHO - Whew! You are telling of a King of refined taste.

THRASO - Aye, he is a person of that sort; a man of but very few acquaintanceships.

GNATHO – (aside) Indeed, of none, I fancy, if he's on intimate terms with you.

THRASO - All the people envied me, and attacked me privately. I don't care one straw. They envied me dreadfully; but one in particular, whom the King had appointed over the Indian elephants. Once, when he became particularly troublesome, "Prithee, Strato," said I, "are you so fierce because you hold command over the wild beasts?"

GNATHO - Cleverly said, upon my faith, and shrewdly. Astounding! You did give the fellow a home thrust. What said he?

THRASO - Dumfounded, instantaneously.

GNATHO - How could he be otherwise?

PARMENO – (apart) Ye Gods, by our trust in you! a lost and miserable fellow the one, and the other a scoundrel.

THRASO - Well then, about that: matter, Gnatho, the way in which I touched up the Rhodian at a banquet--did I never tell you?

GNATHO - Never; but pray, do tell me. Aside. I've heard it more than a thousand times already.

THRASO - There was in my company at a banquet, this young man of Rhodes, whom I'm speaking of. By chance I had a mistress there; he began to toy with her, and to annoy me. "What are you doing, sir impudence?" said I to the fellow; "a hare yourself, and looking out for game?"

GNATHO - pretending to laugh very heartily. Ha, ha, ha!

THRASO - What's the matter?

GNATHO - How apt, how smart, how clever; nothing could be more excellent. Prithee, was this a saying of yours? I fancied it was an old one.

THRASO - Did you ever hear it before?

GNATHO - Many a time; and it is mentioned among the first-rate ones.

THRASO - It's my own.

GNATHO - I'm sorry though that it was said to a thoughtless young man, and one of respectability.

PARMENO – (apart) May the Gods confound you!

GNATHO - Pray, what did he do?

THRASO - Quite disconcerted. All who were present were dying with laughter; in short, they were all quite afraid of me.

GNATHO - Not without reason.

THRASO - But hark you, had I best clear myself of this to Thais, as to her suspicion that I'm fond of this girl?

GNATHO - By no means: on the contrary, rather increase her jealousy.

THRASO - Why so?

GNATHO - Do you ask me? Don't you see, if on any occasion she makes mention of Phaedria or commends him, to provoke you----

THRASO - I understand.

GNATHO - That such may not be the case, this method is the only remedy. When she speaks of Phaedria, do you instantly mention Pamphila. If at any time she says, "Let's invite Phaedria to make one," do you say, "Let's ask Pamphila to sing." If she praises his good looks, do you, on the other hand, praise hers. In short, do you return like for like, which will mortify her.

THRASO - If, indeed, she loved me, this might be of some use, Gnatho.

GNATHO - Since she is impatient for and loves that which you give her, she already loves you; as it is, then, it is an easy matter for her to feel vexed. She will be always afraid lest the presents which she herself is now getting, you may on some occasion be taking elsewhere.

THRASO - Well said; that never came into my mind.

GNATHO - Nonsense. You never thought about it; else how much more readily would you yourself have hit upon it, Thraso!

 

Scene 2 - Enter Thais from her house, attended by Pythias.

 

THAIS - (as she comes out) I thought I just now heard the Captain's voice. And look, here he is. Welcome, my dear Thraso.

THRASO - O my Thais, my sweet one, how are you? How much do you love me in return for that music girl?

PARMENO – (apart) How polite! What a beginning he has made on meeting her!

THRASO - Very much, as you deserve.

GNATHO - Let's go to dinner then. (to Thraso) What do you stand here for?

PARMENO – (apart) Then there's the other one: you would declare that he was born for his belly's sake.

THRASO - When you please; I sha'n't delay.

PARMENO – (apart) I'll accost them, and pretend as though I had just come out. He comes forward. Are you going any where, Thais?

THRASO - Ha! Parmeno; well done; just going out for the day.

PARMENO – Where?

THRASO – (aside, pointing at Thraso) Why! don't you see him?

PARMENO – (aside) I see him, and I'm sorry for it. Aloud. Phaedria's presents are ready for you when you please.

THRASO - impatiently. Why are we to stand here? Why don't we be off?

PARMENO – (to Thraso) Troth now, pray, do let us, with your leave, present to her the things we intend, and accost and speak to her.

THRASO - ironically. Very fine presents, I suppose, or at least equal to mine.

PARMENO – The fact will prove itself. Goes to the door of LACHES' house and calls. Ho there! bid those people come out of doors at once, as I ordered. (enter from the house a black girl)

PARMENO – Do you step forward this way. (to Thais) She comes all the way from Aethiopia.

THRASO – (contemptuously) Here are some three minae in value.

GNATHO - Hardly so much.

PARMENO – Where are you, Dorus? Step this way. (enter Chaerea from the house, dressed like the Eunuch)

PARMENO – There's a Eunuch for you--of what a genteel appearance! of what a prime age!

THAIS - God bless me, he's handsome.

PARMENO – What say you, Gnatho? Do you see any thing to find fault with? And what say you, Thraso? (aside) They hold their tongues; they praise him sufficiently thereby. (to Thais) Make trial of him in literature, try him in exercises, and in music; I'll warrant him well skilled in what it becomes a gentleman to know.

THRASO - That Eunuch, if occasion served, even in my sober senses, I---

PARMENO – And he who has sent these things makes no request that you will live for him alone, and that for his own sake others may be excluded; he neither tells of battles nor shows his scars, nor does he restrict you as looking (at Thraso) a certain person does; but when it is not inconvenient, whenever you think fit, whenever you have the time, he is satisfied to be admitted.

THRASO – (to Gnatho, contemptuously) It appears that this is the servant of some beggarly, wretched master.

GNATHO - Why, faith, no person, I'm quite sure of that, could possibly put up with him, who had the means to get another.

PARMENO – You hold your tongue--a fellow whom I consider beneath all men of the very lowest grade: for when you can bring yourself to flatter that fellow (pointing at Thraso), I do believe you could pick your victuals out of the very flames.

THRASO - Are we to go now?

THAIS - I'll take these in-doors (first pointing to Chaerea and the aethiopian), and at the same time I'll order what I wish; after that I'll return immediately. (goes into the house with Pythias, Chaerea, and the slave)

THRASO – (to Gnatho) I shall be off. Do you wait for her.

PARMENO – It is not a proper thing for a general to be walking in the street with a mistress.

THRASO –Why should I use many words with you? You are the very ape of your master. (Exit PARMENO.

GNATHO – (laughing) Ha, ha, ha!

THRASO - What are you laughing at?

GNATHO – At what you were mentioning just now; that saying, too, about the Rhodian, recurred to my mind. But Thais is coming out.

THRASO - You go before; take care that every thing is ready at home.

GNATHO – Very well. (exit. Re-enter Thais, with Pythias and female attendants)

THAIS - Take care, Pythias, and be sure that if Chremes should happen to come, to beg him to wait; if that is not convenient, then to come again; if he can not do that, bring him to me.

PYTHIAS - I'll do so.

THAIS - Well, what else was I intending to say? O, do you take particular care of that young woman; be sure that you keep at home.

THRASO - Let us begone.

THAIS - to her attendants. You follow me. Exeunt THAIS and THRASO, followed by the Attendants. PYTHIAS goes into the house.

 

Scene3 - Enter Chremes.

CHREMES – (to himself) Why, really, the more and more I think of it, I shouldn't be surprised if this Thais should be doing me some great mischief; so cunningly do I perceive myself beset by her. Even on the occasion when she first requested me to be fetched to her (any one might ask me, "What business had you with her?" Really I don't know.) When I came, she found an excuse for me to remain there; she said that she had been offering a sacrifice, and that she was desirous to speak upon some important business with me. Even then I had a suspicion that all these things were being done for her artful purposes. She takes her place beside me; pays every attention to me; seeks and opportunity of conversation. When the conversation flagged, she turned off to this point--how long since my father and mother died? I said that it was now a long time ago. Whether I had any country-house at Sunium, and how far from the sea? I suppose that this has taken her fancy, and she expects to get it away from me. Then at last, whether any little sister of mine had been lost from there; whether any person was with her; what she had about her when she was lost; whether any one could recognize her. Why should she make these inquiries? Unless, perhaps, she pretends--so great is her assurance--that she herself is the same person that was formerly lost when a little girl. But if she is alive, she is sixteen years old, not older; whereas Thais is somewhat older than I am. She has sent to press me earnestly to come. Either let her speak out what she wants, or not be troublesome; I assuredly shall not come a third time (knocking at the door of Thais). Ho! there, ho! there! Is any one here? It's I, Chremes. (enter Pythias from the house)

PYTHIAS - O most charming, dear creature!

CHREMES – (apart) I said there was a design upon me.

PYTHIAS - Thais entreated you most earnestly to come again to-morrow.

CHREMES –I'm going into the country.

PYTHIAS - Do, there's a dear sir.

CHREMES –I can not, I tell you.

PYTHIAS - Then stay here at our house till she comes back.

CHREMES –Nothing less likely.

PYTHIAS - Why, my dear Chremes? Taking hold of him.

CHREMES – (shaking her off) Away to perdition with you!

PYTHIAS - If you are so determined about it, pray do step over to the place where she is.

CHREMES –I'll go there.

PYTHIAS - calling at the door. Here, Dorias DORIAS enters , show this person directly to the Captain's. (Exit CHREMES with DORIAS, PYTHIAS goes into the house.)

 

SCENE 4 - Enter Antipho.

ANTIPHO – (to himself) Yesterday some young fellows of us agreed together at the Piraeus that we were to go shares today in a club-entertainment. We gave Chaerea charge of this matter; our rings were given as pledges; the place and time arranged. The time has now gone by; at the place appointed there was nothing ready. The fellow himself is nowhere to be met with; I neither know what to say nor what to suppose. Now the rest have commissioned me with his business, to look for him. I'll go see, therefore, if he's at home. But who's this, I wonder, coming out of Thais's? Is it he, or is it not? 'Tis the very man! What sort of being is this? What kind of garb is this? What mischief is going on now? I can not sufficiently wonder or conjecture. But, whatever it is, I should like first at a distance to try and find out. He stands apart.

 

SCENE 5 - Enter Chaerea from the house of Thais, in the Eunuch's dress.

CHAEREA – (looking around, then aloud to himself) Is there any body here? There's no one. Is there any one following me from there? There's not a person. Now am I not at liberty to give vent to these raptures? O supreme Jupiter! now assuredly is the time for me to meet my death, when I can so well endure it; lest my life should sully this ecstasy with some disaster. But is there now no inquisitive person to be intruding upon me, to be following me wherever I do, to be deafening me, worrying me to death, with asking questions; why thus transported, or why so overjoyed, whither I'm going, whence I'm come, where I got this garb, what is my object, whether I'm in my senses or whether downright mad?

ANTIPHO – (apart) I'll accost him, and I'll do him the favor which I see he's wishing for. Accosting him. Chaerea, why are you thus transported? What's the object of this garb? Why is it that you're so overjoyed? What is the meaning of this? Are you quite right in your senses? Why do you stare at me? What have you to say?

CHAEREA – O joyous day! O welcome, my friend! There's not one in all the world whom I would rather wish to see at this moment that yourself.

ANTIPHO – Pray, do tell me what all this means.

CHAEREA – Nay rather, i'faith, I beg of you to listen to me. Do you know the mistress whom my brother is so fond of?

ANTIPHO – I know her; I suppose you mean Thais?

CHAEREA – The very same.

ANTIPHO – So far I recollect.

CHAEREA – To-day a certain damsel was presented to her. Why now should I extol or commend her beauty to you, Antipho, since you yourself know how nice a judge of beauty I am? I have been smitten by her.

ANTIPHO – Do you say so?

CHAEREA – If you saw her, I am sure you would say she's exquisite. What need of many words? I fell in love with her. By good luck there was at our house a certain Eunuch, whom my brother had purchased for Thais, and he had not as yet been sent to her. On this occasion, Parmeno, our servant, made a suggestion to me, which I adopted.

ANTIPHO – What was it?

CHAEREA – Be quiet, and you shall hear the sooner; to change clothes with him, and order myself to be taken there in his stead.

ANTIPHO – What, instead of the Eunuch?

CHAEREA – The fact.

ANTIPHO – To receive what advantage, pray, from this plan?

CHAEREA – Do you ask? That I might see, hear, and be in company with her whom I loved, Antipho. Is that a slight motive, or a poor reason? I was presented to the woman. She, as soon as she received me, joyfully took me home to her house and intrusted the damsel----

ANTIPHO – To whom? To you?

CHAEREA – To me.

CHAEREA – (ironically) In perfect safety, at all events.

CHAEREA – She gave orders that no male was to come near her, and commanded me not to stir away from her; that I was to remain alone with her in the inner apartments. Looking bashfully on the ground, I nodded assent.

ANTIPHO – (ironically) Poor fellow!

CHAEREA – (continuing) "I am going out," said she, "to dinner." She took her maids with her; a few novices of girls remained, to be about her. These immediately made preparations for her to bathe. I urged them to make haste. While preparations were being made, the damsel sat in a room looking up at a certain painting, in which was represented how Jove is said once to have sent a golden shower into the bosom of Danaë. I myself began to look at it as well, and as he had in former times played the like game, I felt extremely delighted that a God should change himself into money, and slily come through the tiles of another person's house, to deceive the fair one by means of a shower. But what God was this? He who shakes the most lofty temples of heaven with his thunders. Was I, a poor creature of a mortal, not to do the same? Certainly, I was to do it, and without hesitation. While I was thinking over these matters with myself, the damsel meantime was fetched away to bathe; she went, bathed, and came back; after which they laid her on a couch. I stood waiting to see if they gave me any orders. One came up, "Here, Dorus," said she, "take this fan, and let her have a little air in this fashion, while we are bathing; when we have bathed, if you like, you may bathe too." With a demure air I took it.

ANTIPHO – Really, I should very much have liked to see that impudent face of yours just then, and what figure a great donkey like you made, holding a fan!

CHAEREA – (continuing) Hardly had she said this, when all, in a moment, betook themselves off: away they went to bathe, and chattered aloud; just as the way is when masters are absent. Meanwhile, sleep overtook the damsel; I slily looked askance through the fan; this way showing how : at the same time I looked round in all directions, to see whether all was quite safe. I saw that it was. I bolted the door.

ANTIPHO – What then?

CHAEREA – Eh? What then, you simpleton?

ANTIPHO – I own I am.

CHAEREA – Was I to let slip the opportunity offered me, so excellent, so short-lived, so longed for, so unexpected. In that case, i'faith, I really should have been the person I was pretending to be.

ANTIPHO – Truth, you certainly are in the right; but, meantime, what has been arranged about the club-entertainment?

CHAEREA – All's ready.

ANTIPHO – You are a clever hand; but where? At your house?

CHAEREA – No, at Discus's, our freedman.

ANTIPHO – That's a long way off.

CHAEREA – Then let's make so much the greater haste.

ANTIPHO – Change your dress.

CHAEREA – Where am I to change it? I'm at a loss; for at present I'm an exile from home; I'm afraid of my brother, lest he should be in-doors: and then again of my father, lest he should have returned from the country by this.

ANTIPHO – Let's go to my house; there is the nearest place for you to change.

CHAEREA – You say right. Let's be off; besides, I want to take counsel with you about this girl, by what means I may be able to secure the future possession of her.

ANTIPHO – Very well. (exit.)