XX - THE
CELESTIAL GLOBES
For
a while, many thoughts crowded my mind, so that I was unable to do aught, save
stare, blindly, before me. I seemed whelmed in a sea of doubt and wonder and
sorrowful remembrance.
It
was later, that I came out of my bewilderment. I looked about, dazedly. Thus, I
saw so extraordinary a sight that, for a while, I could scarcely believe I was
not still wrapped in the visionary tumult of my own thoughts. Out of the
reigning green, had grown a boundless river of softly shimmering globes - each
one enfolded in a wondrous fleece of pure cloud. They reached, both above and
below me, to an unknown distance; and, not only hid the shining of the Green
Sun; but supplied, in place thereof, a tender glow of light, that suffused
itself around me, like unto nothing I have ever seen, before or since.
In
a little, I noticed that there was about these spheres, a sort of transparency,
almost as though they were formed of clouded crystal, within which burned a
radiance - gentle and subdued. They moved on, past me, continually, floating
onward at no great speed; but rather as though they had eternity before them. A
great while, I watched, and could perceive no end to them. At times, I seemed
to distinguish faces, amid the cloudiness; but strangely indistinct, as though
partly real, and partly formed of the mistiness through which they showed.
For
a long time, I waited, passively, with a sense of growing content. I had no
longer that feeling of unutterable loneliness; but felt, rather, that I was
less alone, than I had been for kalpas of years. This feeling of contentment,
increased, so that I would have been satisfied to float in company with those
celestial globules, forever.
Ages
slipped by, and I saw the shadowy faces, with increased frequency, also with
greater plainness. Whether this was due to my soul having become more attuned
to its surroundings, I cannot tell - probably it was so. But, however this may
be, I am assured now, only of the fact that I became steadily more conscious of
a new mystery about me, telling me that I had, indeed, penetrated within the
borderland of some unthought-of region - some subtle, intangible place, or
form, of existence.
The
enormous stream of luminous spheres continued to pass me, at an unvarying rate
- countless millions; and still they came, showing no signs of ending, nor even
diminishing.
Then,
as I was borne, silently, upon the unbuoying ether, I felt a sudden,
irresistible, forward movement, toward one of the passing globes. An instant,
and I was beside it. Then, I slid through, into the interior, without
experiencing the least resistance, of any description. For a short while, I
could see nothing; and waited, curiously.
All
at once, I became aware that a sound broke the inconceivable stillness. It was
like the murmur of a great sea at calm - a sea breathing in its sleep.
Gradually, the mist that obscured my sight, began to thin away; and so, in
time, my vision dwelt once again upon the silent surface of the Sea of Sleep.
For
a little, I gazed, and could scarcely believe I saw aright. I glanced 'round.
There was the great globe of pale fire, swimming, as I had seen it before, a
short distance above the dim horizon. To my left, far across the sea, I
discovered, presently, a faint line, as of thin haze, which I guessed to be the
shore, where my Love and I had met, during those wonderful periods of
soul-wandering, that had been granted to me in the old earth days.
Another, a troubled, memory came to
me - of the Formless Thing that had haunted the shores of the Sea of Sleep. The
guardian of that silent, echoless place. These, and other, details, I
remembered, and knew, without doubt that I was looking out upon that same sea.
With the assurance, I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of surprise, and
joy, and shaken expectancy, conceiving it possible that I was about to see my
Love, again. Intently, I gazed around; but could catch no sight of her. At
that, for a little, I felt hopeless. Fervently, I prayed, and ever peered,
anxiously... How still was the sea!
Down,
far beneath me, I could see the many trails of changeful fire, that had drawn
my attention, formerly. Vaguely, I wondered what caused them; also, I
remembered that I had intended to ask my dear One about them, as well as many
other matters - and I had been forced to leave her, before the half that I had
wished to say, was said.
My
thoughts came back with a leap. I was conscious that something had touched me.
I turned quickly. God, Thou wert indeed gracious - it was She! She looked up
into my eyes, with an eager longing, and I looked down to her, with all my
soul. I should like to have held her; but the glorious purity of her face, kept
me afar. Then, out of the winding mist, she put her dear arms. Her whisper came
to me, soft as the rustle of a passing cloud. 'Dearest!' she said. That was
all; but I had heard, and, in a moment I held her to me - as I prayed - forever.
In
a little, she spoke of many things, and I listened. Willingly, would I have
done so through all the ages that are to come. At times, I whispered back, and
my whispers brought to her spirit face, once more, an indescribably delicate
tint - the bloom of love. Later, I spoke more freely, and to each word she
listened, and made answer, delightfully; so that, already, I was in Paradise.
She
and I; and nothing, save the silent, spacious void to see us; and only the
quiet waters of the Sea of Sleep to hear us.
Long
before, the floating multitude of cloud-enfolded spheres had vanished into
nothingness. Thus, we looked upon the face of the slumberous deeps, and were
alone. Alone, God, I would be thus alone in the hereafter, and yet be never
lonely! I had her, and, greater than this, she had me. Aye, aeon-aged me; and
on this thought, and some others, I hope to exist through the few remaining
years that may yet lie between us.
XXI -
THE DARK SUN
How
long our souls lay in the arms of joy, I cannot say; but, all at once, I was
waked from my happiness, by a diminution of the pale and gentle light that lit
the Sea of Sleep. I turned toward the huge, white orb, with a premonition of
coming trouble. One side of it was curving inward, as though a convex, black
shadow were sweeping across it. My memory went back. It was thus, that the
darkness had come, before our last parting. I turned toward my Love,
inquiringly. With a sudden knowledge of woe, I noticed how wan and unreal she
had grown, even in that brief space. Her voice seemed to come to me from a
distance. The touch of her hands was no more than the gentle pressure of a
summer wind, and grew less perceptible.
Already,
quite half of the immense globe was shrouded. A feeling of desperation seized
me. Was she about to leave me? Would she have to go, as she had gone before? I
questioned her, anxiously, frightenedly; and she, nestling closer, explained,
in that strange, faraway voice, that it was imperative she should leave me,
before the Sun of Darkness - as she termed it - blotted out the light. At this
confirmation of my fears, I was overcome with despair; and could only look,
voicelessly, across the quiet plains of the silent sea.
How
swiftly the darkness spread across the face of the White Orb. Yet, in reality,
the time must have been long, beyond human comprehension.
At
last, only a crescent of pale fire, lit the, now dim, Sea of Sleep. All this
while, she had held me; but, with so soft a caress, that I had been scarcely
conscious of it. We waited there, together, she and I; speechless, for very
sorrow. In the dimming light, her face showed, shadowy - blending into the
dusky mistiness that encircled us.
Then,
when a thin, curved line of soft light was all that lit the sea, she released
me - pushing me from her, tenderly. Her voice sounded in my ears, 'I may not
stay longer, Dear One.' It ended in a sob.
She
seemed to float away from me, and became invisible. Her voice came to me, out
of the shadows, faintly; apparently from a great distance: -
'A
little while - ' It died away, remotely. In a breath, the Sea of Sleep darkened
into night. Far to my left, I seemed to see, for a brief instant, a soft glow.
It vanished, and, in the same moment, I became aware that I was no longer above
the still sea; but once more suspended in infinite space, with the Green Sun - now
eclipsed by a vast, dark sphere - before me.
Utterly
bewildered, I stared, almost unseeingly, at the ring of green flames, leaping
above the dark edge. Even in the chaos of my thoughts, I wondered, dully, at
their extraordinary shapes. A multitude of questions assailed me. I thought
more of her, I had so lately seen, than of the sight before me. My grief, and
thoughts of the future, filled me. Was I doomed to be separated from her,
always? Even in the old earth-days, she had been mine, only for a little while;
then she had left me, as I thought, forever. Since then, I had seen her but
these times, upon the Sea of Sleep.
A
feeling of fierce resentment filled me, and miserable questionings. Why could I
not have gone with my Love? What reason to keep us apart? Why had I to wait
alone, while she slumbered through the years, on the still bosom of the Sea of
Sleep? The Sea of Sleep! My thoughts turned, inconsequently, out of their
channel of bitterness, to fresh, desperate questionings. Where was it? Where
was it? I seemed to have but just parted from my Love, upon its quiet surface,
and it had gone, utterly. It could not be far away! And the White Orb which I
had seen hidden in the shadow of the Sun of Darkness! My sight dwelt upon the
Green Sun - eclipsed. What had eclipsed it? Was there a vast, dead star
circling it? Was the Central Sun - as I had come to regard it - a double star?
The thought had come, almost unbidden; yet why should it not be so?
My
thoughts went back to the White Orb. Strange, that it should have been - I
stopped. An idea had come, suddenly. The White Orb and the Green Sun! Were they
one and the same? My imagination wandered backward, and I remembered the
luminous globe to which I had been so unaccountably attracted. It was curious
that I should have forgotten it, even momentarily. Where were the others? I
reverted again to the globe I had entered. I thought, for a time, and matters
became clearer. I conceived that, by entering that impalpable globule, I had
passed, at once, into some further, and, until then, invisible dimension;
There, the Green Sun was still visible; but as a stupendous sphere of pale,
white light - almost as though its ghost showed, and not its material part.
A
long time, I mused on the subject. I remembered how, on entering the sphere, I
had, immediately, lost all sight of the others. For a still further period, I
continued to revolve the different details in my mind.
In
a while, my thoughts turned to other things. I came more into the present, and
began to look about me, seeingly. For the first time, I perceived that
innumerable rays, of a subtle, violet hue, pierced the strange semi-darkness,
in all directions. They radiated from the fiery rim of the Green Sun. They
seemed to grow upon my vision, so that, in a little, I saw that they were
countless. The night was filled with them - spreading outward from the Green
Sun, fan-wise. I concluded that I was enabled to see them, by reason of the
Sun's glory being cut off by the eclipse. They reached right out into space,
and vanished.
Gradually,
as I looked, I became aware that fine points of intensely brilliant light,
traversed the rays. Many of them seemed to travel from the Green Sun, into
distance. Others came out of the void, toward the Sun; but one and all, each
kept strictly to the ray in which it traveled. Their speed was inconceivably
great; and it was only when they neared the Green Sun, or as they left it, that
I could see them as separate specks of light. Further from the sun, they became
thin lines of vivid fire within the violet.
The
discovery of these rays, and the moving sparks, interested me, extraordinarily.
To where did they lead, in such countless profusion? I thought of the worlds in
space... And those sparks! Messengers! Possibly,
the idea was fantastic; but I was not conscious of its being so. Messengers!
Messengers from the Central Sun!
An
idea evolved itself, slowly. Was the Green Sun the abode of some vast
Intelligence? The thought was bewildering. Visions of the Unnamable rose,
vaguely. Had I, indeed, come upon the dwelling-place of the Eternal? For a
time, I repelled the thought, dumbly. It was too stupendous. Yet...
Huge,
vague thoughts had birth within me. I felt, suddenly, terribly naked. And an
awful Nearness, shook me.
And
Heaven...! Was that an illusion?
My
thoughts came and went, erratically. The Sea of Sleep - and she! Heaven... I came back, with a bound, to the present.
Somewhere, out of the void behind me, there rushed an immense, dark body - huge
and silent. It was a dead star, hurling onward to the burying place of the
stars. It drove between me and the Central Suns - blotting them out from my
vision, and plunging me into an impenetrable night.
An
age, and I saw again the violet rays. A great while later - aeons it must have
been - a circular glow grew in the sky, ahead, and I saw the edge of the
receding star, show darkly against it. Thus, I knew that it was nearing the
Central Suns. Presently, I saw the bright ring of the Green Sun, show plainly
against the night The star had passed into the shadow of the Dead Sun. After
that, I just waited. The strange years went slowly, and ever, I watched,
intently.
'The
thing I had expected, came at last - suddenly, awfully. A vast flare of
dazzling light. A streaming burst of white flame across the dark void. For an
indefinite while, it soared outward - a gigantic mushroom of fire. It ceased to
grow. Then, as time went by, it began to sink backward, slowly. I saw, now,
that it came from a huge, glowing spot near the center of the Dark Sun. Mighty
flames, still soared outward from this. Yet, spite of its size, the grave of
the star was no more than the shining of Jupiter upon the face of an ocean,
when compared with the inconceivable mass of the Dead Sun.
I
may remark here, once more, that no words will ever convey to the imagination,
the enormous bulk of the two Central Suns.
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