Chapter 27
my father—premature decay—the
easy-chair—a few questions—so you told me—a difficult language—they call it
haik—misused opportunities—saul—want of candour—don't weep—heaven forgive
me—dated from paris—i wish he were here—a father's reminiscences—vanities
My father, as I have already informed the reader,
had been endowed by nature with great corporeal strength; indeed, I have been
assured that, at the period of his prime, his figure had denoted the possession
of almost Herculean powers. The strongest forms, however, do not always endure
the longest, the very excess of the noble and generous juices which they
contain being the cause of their premature decay. But, be that as it may, the
health of my father, some few years after his retirement from the service to
the quiet of domestic life, underwent a considerable change; his constitution
appeared to be breaking up; and he was subject to severe attacks from various
disorders, with which, till then, he had been utterly unacquainted. He was, however,
wont to rally, more or less, after his illnesses, and might still occasionally
be seen taking his walk, with his cane in his hand, and accompanied by his dog,
who sympathised entirely with him, pining as he pined, improving as he
improved, and never leaving the house save in his company; and in this manner
matters went on for a considerable time, no very great apprehension with
respect to my father's state being raised either in my mother's breast, or my
own. But, about six months after the period at which I have arrived in my last
chapter, it came to pass that my father experienced a severer attack than on
any previous occasion.
He had the best medical advice; but it was easy to
see, from the looks of his doctors, that they entertained but slight hopes of
his recovery. His sufferings were great, yet he invariably bore them with
unshaken fortitude. There was one thing remarkable connected with his illness;
notwithstanding its severity, it never confined him to his bed. He was wont to
sit in his little parlour, in his easy-chair, dressed in a faded regimental
coat, his dog at his feet, who would occasionally lift his head from the
hearth-rug on which he lay, and look his master wistfully in the face. And thus
my father spent the greater part of his time, sometimes in prayer, sometimes in
meditation, and sometimes in reading the Scriptures. I frequently sat with him,
though, as I entertained a great awe for my father, I used to feel rather ill
at ease, when, as sometimes happened, I found myself alone with him.
'I wish to ask you a few questions,' said he to me
one day, after my mother had left the room.
'I will answer anything you may please to ask me,
my dear father.'
'What have you been about lately?'
'I have been occupied as usual, attending at the
office at the appointed hours.'
'And what do you there?'
'Whatever I am ordered.'
'And nothing else?'
'Oh yes! sometimes I read a book.'
'Connected with your profession?'
'Not always; I have been lately reading Armenian—'
'What's that?'
'The language of a people whose country is a
region on the other side of Asia Minor.'
'Well!'
'A region abounding with mountains.'
'Well!'
'Amongst which is Mount Ararat.'
'Well!'
'Upon which, as the Bible informs us, the ark
rested.'
'Well!'
'It is the language of the people of those
regions.'
'So you told me.'
'And I have been reading the Bible in their
language.'
'Well!'
'Or rather, I should say, in the ancient language
of these people; from which I am told the modern Armenian differs
considerably.'
'Well!'
'As much as the Italian from the Latin.'
'Well!'
'So I have been reading the Bible in ancient
Armenian.'
'You told me so before.'
'I found it a highly difficult language.'
'Yes.'
'Differing widely from the languages in general
with which I am acquainted.'
'Yes.'
'Exhibiting, however, some features in common with
them.'
'Yes.'
'And sometimes agreeing remarkably in words with a
certain strange wild speech with which I became acquainted—'
'Irish?'
'No, father, not Irish—with which I became
acquainted by the greatest chance in the world.'
'Yes.'
'But of which I need say nothing farther at
present, and which I should not have mentioned but for that fact.'
'Well!'
'Which I consider remarkable.'
'Yes.'
'The Armenian is copious.'
'Is it?'
'With an alphabet of thirty-nine letters, but it
is harsh and guttural.'
'Yes.'
'Like the language of most mountainous people—the
Armenians call it Haik.'
'Do they?'
'And themselves, Haik, also; they are a remarkable
people, and, though their original habitation is the Mountain of Ararat, they
are to be found, like the Jews, all over the world.'
'Well!'
'Well, father, that's all I can tell you about the
Haiks, or Armenians.'
'And what does it all amount to?'
'Very little, father; indeed, there is very little
known about the Armenians; their early history, in particular, is involved in
considerable mystery.'
'And, if you knew all that it was possible to know
about them, to what would it amount? to what earthly purpose could you turn it?
have you acquired any knowledge of your profession?'
'Very little, father.'
'Very little! Have you acquired all in your
power?'
'I can't say that I have, father.'
'And yet it was your duty to have done so. But I
see how it is, you have shamefully misused your opportunities; you are like
one, who, sent into the field to labour, passes his time in flinging stones at
the birds of heaven.'
'I would scorn to fling a stone at a bird,
father.'
'You know what I mean, and all too well, and this
attempt to evade deserved reproof by feigned simplicity is quite in character
with your general behaviour. I have ever observed about you a want of
frankness, which has distressed me; you never speak of what you are about, your
hopes, or your projects, but cover yourself with mystery. I never knew till the
present moment that you were acquainted with Armenian.'
'Because you never asked me, father; there's
nothing to conceal in the matter—I will tell you in a moment how I came to
learn Armenian. A lady whom I met at one of Mrs. ——'s parties took a fancy to
me, and has done me the honour to allow me to go and see her sometimes. She is
the widow of a rich clergyman, and on her husband's death came to this place to
live, bringing her husband's library with her: I soon found my way to it, and
examined every book. Her husband must have been a learned man, for amongst much
Greek and Hebrew I found several volumes in Armenian, or relating to the
language.'
'And why did you not tell me of this before?'
'Because you never questioned me; but, I repeat,
there is nothing to conceal in the matter. The lady took a fancy to me, and,
being fond of the arts, drew my portrait; she said the expression of my
countenance put her in mind of Alfieri's Saul.'
'And do you still visit her?'
'No, she soon grew tired of me, and told people
that she found me very stupid; she gave me the Armenian books, however.'
'Saul,' said my father musingly, 'Saul. I am
afraid she was only too right there; he disobeyed the commands of his master,
and brought down on his head the vengeance of Heaven—he became a maniac,
prophesied, and flung weapons about him.'
'He was, indeed, an awful character—I hope I
shan't turn out like him.'
'God forbid!' said my father solemnly; 'but in
many respects you are headstrong and disobedient like him. I placed you in a
profession, and besought you to make yourself master of it by giving it your
undivided attention. This, however, you did not do, you know nothing of it, but
tell me that you are acquainted with Armenian; but what I dislike most is your
want of candour—you are my son, but I know little of your real history, you may
know fifty things for what I am aware: you may know how to shoe a horse for
what I am aware.'
'Not only to shoe a horse, father, but to make
horse-shoes.'
'Perhaps so,' said my father; 'and it only serves
to prove what I was just saying, that I know little about you.'
'But you easily may, my dear father; I will tell
you anything that you may wish to know—shall I inform you how I learnt to make
horse-shoes?'
'No,' said my father; 'as you kept it a secret so
long, it may as well continue so still. Had you been a frank, open-hearted boy,
like one I could name, you would have told me all about it of your own accord.
But I now wish to ask you a serious question—what do you propose to do?'
'To do, father?'
'Yes! the time for which you were articled to your
profession will soon be expired, and I shall be no more.'
'Do not talk so, my dear father; I have no doubt
that you will soon be better.'
'Do not flatter yourself; I feel that my days are
numbered, I am soon going to my rest, and I have need of rest, for I am weary.
There, there, don't weep! Tears will help me as little as they will you; you
have not yet answered my question. Tell me what you intend to do?'
'I really do not know what I shall do.'
'The military pension which I enjoy will cease
with my life. The property which I shall leave behind me will be barely
sufficient for the maintenance of your mother respectably. I again ask you what
you intend to do. Do you think you can support yourself by your Armenian or
your other acquirements?'
'Alas! I think little at all about it; but I
suppose I must push into the world, and make a good fight, as becomes the son
of him who fought Big Ben; if I can't succeed, and am driven to the worst, it
is but dying—'
'What do you mean by dying?'
'Leaving the world; my loss would scarcely be
felt. I have never held life in much value, and every one has a right to
dispose as he thinks best of that which is his own.'
'Ah! now I understand you; and well I know how and
where you imbibed that horrible doctrine, and many similar ones which I have
heard from your mouth; but I wish not to reproach you—I view in your conduct a
punishment for my own sins, and I bow to the will of God. Few and evil have
been my days upon the earth; little have I done to which I can look back with
satisfaction. It is true I have served my king fifty years, and I have fought
with—Heaven forgive me, what was I about to say!—but you mentioned the man's
name, and our minds willingly recall our ancient follies. Few and evil have
been my days upon earth, I may say with Jacob of old, though I do not mean to
say that my case is so hard as his; he had many undutiful children, whilst I
have only—; but I will not reproach you. I have also like him a son to whom I
can look with hope, who may yet preserve my name when I am gone, so let me be
thankful; perhaps, after all, I have not lived in vain. Boy, when I am gone,
look up to your brother, and may God bless you both! There, don't weep; but
take the Bible, and read me something about the old man and his children.'
My brother had now been absent for the space of
three years. At first his letters had been frequent, and from them it appeared
that he was following his profession in London with industry; they then became
rather rare, and my father did not always communicate their contents. His last
letter, however, had filled him and our whole little family with joy; it was
dated from Paris, and the writer was evidently in high spirits. After
describing in eloquent terms the beauties and gaieties of the French capital,
he informed us how he had plenty of money, having copied a celebrated picture
of one of the Italian masters for a Hungarian nobleman, for which he had
received a large sum. 'He wishes me to go with him to Italy,' added he, 'but I
am fond of independence; and, if ever I visit old Rome, I will have no patrons
near me to distract my attention.' But six months had now elapsed from the date
of this letter, and we had heard no further intelligence of my brother. My
father's complaint increased; the gout, his principal enemy, occasionally
mounted high up in his system, and we had considerable difficulty in keeping it
from the stomach, where it generally proves fatal. I now devoted almost the
whole of my time to my father, on whom his faithful partner also lavished every
attention and care. I read the Bible to him, which was his chief delight; and
also occasionally such other books as I thought might prove entertaining to
him. His spirits were generally rather depressed. The absence of my brother
appeared to prey upon his mind. 'I wish he were here,' he would frequently exclaim;
'I can't imagine what can have become of him; I trust, however, he will arrive
in time.' He still sometimes rallied, and I took advantage of those moments of
comparative ease to question him upon the events of his early life. My
attentions to him had not passed unnoticed, and he was kind, fatherly, and
unreserved. I had never known my father so entertaining as at these moments,
when his life was but too evidently drawing to a close. I had no idea that he
knew and had seen so much; my respect for him increased, and I looked upon him
almost with admiration. His anecdotes were in general highly curious; some of
them related to people in the highest stations, and to men whose names were
closely connected with some of the brightest glories of our native land. He had
frequently conversed—almost on terms of familiarity—with good old George. He
had known the conqueror of Tippoo Saib; and was the friend of Townshend, who,
when Wolfe fell, led the British grenadiers against the shrinking regiments of
Montcalm. 'Pity,' he added, 'that when old—old as I am now—he should have
driven his own son mad by robbing him of his plighted bride; but so it was; he
married his son's bride. I saw him lead her to the altar; if ever there was an
angelic countenance, it was that girl's; she was almost too fair to be one of
the daughters of women. Is there anything, boy, that you would wish to ask me?
now is the time.'
'Yes, father; there is one about whom I would fain
question you.'
'Who is it? shall I tell you about Elliot?'
'No, father, not about Elliot; but pray don't be
angry; I should like to know something about Big Ben.'
'You are a strange lad,' said my father; 'and,
though of late I have begun to entertain a more favourable opinion than
heretofore, there is still much about you that I do not understand. Why do you
bring up that name? Don't you know that it is one of my temptations: you wish
to know something about him. Well! I will oblige you this once, and then
farewell to such vanities—something about him. I will tell you—his—skin when he
flung off his clothes—and he had a particular knack in doing so—his skin, when
he bared his mighty chest and back for combat; and when he fought he stood, so
. . . if I remember right—his skin, I say, was brown and dusky as that of a toad.
Oh me! I wish my elder son was here.'
Chapter 28
my brother's arrival—a dying
father—christ
At last my brother arrived; he looked pale and
unwell; I met him at the door. 'You have been long absent,' said I.
'Yes,' said he, 'perhaps too long; but how is my
father?'
'Very poorly,' said I, 'he has had a fresh attack;
but where have you been of late?'
'Far and wide,' said my brother; 'but I can't tell
you anything now, I must go to my father. It was only by chance that I heard of
his illness.'
'Stay a moment,' said I. 'Is the world such a fine
place as you supposed it to be before you went away?'
'Not quite,' said my brother, 'not quite; indeed I
wish—but ask me no questions now, I must hasten to my father.'
There was another question on my tongue, but I
forebore; for the eyes of the young man were full of tears. I pointed with my
finger, and the young man hastened past me to the arms of his father.
I forebore to ask my brother whether he had been
to old Rome.
What passed between my father and brother I do not
know; the interview, no doubt, was tender enough, for they tenderly loved each
other; but my brother's arrival did not produce the beneficial effect upon my
father which I at first hoped it would; it did not even appear to have raised
his spirits. He was composed enough, however: 'I ought to be grateful,' said
he; 'I wished to see my son, and God has granted me my wish; what more have I
to do now than to bless my little family and go?'
My father's end was evidently at hand.
And did I shed no tears? did I breathe no sighs?
did I never wring my hands at this period? the reader will perhaps be asking.
Whatever I did and thought is best known to God and myself; but it will be as
well to observe, that it is possible to feel deeply, and yet make no outward
sign.
And now for the closing scene.
At the dead hour of night, it might be about two,
I was awakened from sleep by a cry which sounded from the room immediately
below that in which I slept. I knew the cry, it was the cry of my mother; and I
also knew its import, yet I made no effort to rise, for I was for the moment
paralysed. Again the cry sounded, yet still I lay motionless—the stupidity of
horror was upon me. A third time, and it was then that, by a violent effort,
bursting the spell which appeared to bind me, I sprang from the bed and rushed
downstairs. My mother was running wildly about the room; she had awoke, and
found my father senseless in the bed by her side. I essayed to raise him, and
after a few efforts supported him in the bed in a sitting posture. My brother
now rushed in, and, snatching up a light that was burning, he held it to my
father's face. 'The surgeon, the surgeon!' he cried; then, dropping the light,
he ran out of the room followed by my mother; I remained alone, supporting the
senseless form of my father; the light had been extinguished by the fall, and
an almost total darkness reigned in the room. The form pressed heavily against
my bosom—at last methought it moved. Yes, I was right, there was a heaving of
the breast, and then a gasping. Were those words which I heard? Yes, they were
words, low and indistinct at first, and then audible. The mind of the dying man
was reverting to former scenes. I heard him mention names which I had often
heard him mention before. It was an awful moment; I felt stupefied, but I still
contrived to support my dying father.
There was a pause, again my father spoke: I heard
him speak of Minden, and of Meredith, the old Minden sergeant, and then he
uttered another name, which at one period of his life was much in his lips, the
name of . . . but this is a solemn moment! There was a deep gasp: I shook, and
thought all was over; but I was mistaken—my father moved, and revived for a
moment; he supported himself in bed without my assistance. I make no doubt that
for a moment he was perfectly sensible, and it was then that, clasping his
hands, he uttered another name clearly, distinctly—it was the name of Christ.
With that name upon his lips, the brave old soldier sank back upon my bosom,
and, with his hands still clasped, yielded up his soul.