Tuesday, 11 November 2025

Tuesday's Serial: “Scarface” by Armitage Trail (in English) - XI.

 

CHAPTER XXI

A year passed rather uneventfully. Tony's power, undisputed save for sporadic, disorganized, short-lived outbreaks here and there, grew until it almost became burdensome. And his income had gone far beyond his wildest dreams. Always being written up and talked about but almost never seen, he had become a legendary figure, symbolical of underworld success.

Two items in the papers concerning his own family had interested him. His father had died and his brother had been promoted to a detective lieutenancy. Tony's answer to the first had been to arrange for one of his trusted attorneys to inform his mother of the death of some mysterious relative in the West and thereafter pay her $1,000 a month, supposedly from the deceased's estate. His answer to the second had been a long, loud, ironical laugh. He had heard through various reliable sources that his brother was not averse to graft and was quite a devil with the women, despite his wife and child. Tony grinned when he thought what a stir there would be if it were discovered that the brother of Detective Lieutenant Ben Gua­rino was the famous gang leader, Scarface Tony Camonte.

He and Jane were still together, constantly quarreling a bit more, but still together. They moved often, as often as the owners of the luxuri­ous apartment houses to which they confined their residence discovered their real identities. But they enjoyed the best of everything and waved wads of money in the envious faces of the stiff-backed “genteels” who snubbed them. Tony had no fault to find with the world so far. Success wasn't diffi­cult, if you weren't squeamish about how you achieved it. He surmised wisely that many another millionaire had discovered that fact early in his career.

But inactivity palled on Tony. He stretched and began looking around for new worlds to conquer. People said the East—New York—was the most lucrative liquor and racket section in the country. There were a lot of hoodlums in it, of course, but they weren't used to the ruthless Mid­dle West methods. Machine guns and bombs would give the more effete Easterners the surprise of their lives.

At about that same time rumors that the Easterners were looking westward with avaricious eyes gained circulation and credence. It was said that the notorious Frankie Wales, most ruthless of the Eastern gang leaders, was planning an active campaign for the Middle West with the Middle West's own methods and weapons. But Tony only laughed contemptuously when his lieutenants came to him with such stories. He was too powerful, too well known even in New York for any other leader to even dream of wresting his power and wealth away from him. But the suggestion of another hot battle brought back the old sparkle to his eyes. If anybody tried to cut in on him, he'd show them a thing or two. He'd not only hold his territory but he'd capture theirs, wherever it might be and whoever it might be.

Tony didn't believe the reports of the Eastern invasion until one night when he was eating dinner in the main floor dining-room of his hotel head­quarters. The sudden crash of shattering glass and the vicious stuttering of a machine-gun in the street outside startled him from his complacent reverie. He ducked under the table and drew his automatic. That nasty rat-tat-tat was still going in the street, the big plate glass window up in front was still splintering. And he could hear whizzing bullets whining spitefully above his head. Then the machine guns hushed and he heard a powerful car roar away. There was no doubt as to whom they were after. Had he been a second later in dodging beneath the table, his well-tailored form would have been drilled by a score of bullets; the holes in the wall back of where he had been sitting proved that.

He remembered suddenly that the North Side mob had scared Johnny Lovo into leaving town by that same trick. Well, whoever had pulled it this time, would find he wasn't afraid of anything. If they wanted a war, they could have one. And he'd be glad to see that they got a good one.

That his unknown enemies meant business was proved by their activities the rest of the night. They bombed his biggest warehouse and killed two of his henchmen who were driving the sedan which he ordinarily used. Things were picking up. Tony smiled with keen anticipation.

Walking quickly into the lobby of the hotel the next night, following a tour of inspection and prep­ration at various outposts of his activities, Tony saw two people getting into the elevator. Mike Rinaldo, his prize gunman, and a girl. But the glimpse he got of the girl's face before the door clanged shut and the car shot upward made his eyes widen and his breath catch. Surely it must be—

He turned to a small group of his henchmen lounging nearby.

"That girl who just went up with Mike," he said slowly, coldly. "Do any of you know who she is?"

"Why that's one of the sweetest little propositions that's turned up around here in a long time. But particular—Jeez! Mike's the only guy in the mob that's been able to make her so far. Her name is—lemmesee—I think it's Rosie Guarino."

"God!" breathed Tony hoarsely.

"What's the matter, chief?"

"N-nothing," answered Tony breathlessly. But his face had gone deathly white.

His thoughts seemed to be trying to race fran­tically up a terribly steep hill. Rosie, his little sister Rosie, the one that had always been such a model little housekeeper while their mother tended to the store. He realized suddenly that she must be twenty-two or three now. And he had been thinking of her as a beautiful kid of sixteen. But here in this disreputable hotel, gone upstairs with Mike Rinaldo, the accomplished and unscrupulous heart-breaker who was the best gunman in the city. . . His sister. . . . No, it mustn't be. . . . If she hadn't sense enough herself, somebody else—

He walked over to the desk, his step a trifle un­steady, his eyes glazed in contemplation of a horror more terrible than any he had seen on French battlefields.

"What number did you give Mike Rinaldo?" he asked.

"Six-twelve," answered the clerk. "But a lady went up with him, Mr. Camonte. Wouldn't it be better to call?"

"Thanks. I—I'll call him later."

He walked over and entered the elevator, which had come back down.

"Six," he said dully and swayed a little from the sudden jerk as the car started upward.

He had killed for money, for vengeance, for lust, for almost every reason except a worthy one. His sister. . . . Upstairs. . . . In his own hotel. . . . With one of his own gunmen. . . . Of course, Mike was the straightest and most ruthless shot in the city. Tony realized he might be facing death, probably was. Mike was touchy about his heart affairs. But Tony had faced death before. He'd always won before. One of these days he was bound to lose—luck couldn't run the same way all the time. But whichever way things went, he would always be facing it.

The door clanged open and Tony stepped out into the hall, his right hand plunged deep into his side coat pocket, his lean fingers tensed about the cold butt of the heavy automatic there.

 

 

CHAPTER XXII

Slowly, yet with a tense, frantic haste, Scarface Tony Camonte went down the hall, peering intently at the brass numbers on the doors, his hand rigid about the butt of the heavy automatic in his side coat pocket.

Then he found it. 612. He halted and turned toward the door, gathering himself like a furious animal making ready to spring. With the silent, effortless ease of a fatal snake, his practiced right hand drew the automatic, then gently dropped to his side. Then his left hand reached out to the door-knob, and he quietly tried it. But the door was locked.

Tony's lips curled into a vicious snarl and his clenched fist banged savagely against the polished wood of the fastened door. There was a pause. Then:

"What do you want?" came the angry growl from within.

"Come out here!" snapped Tony, and instinctively moved aside so that when the door opened he would not be visible.

"Go 'way and lemme alone," came the retort. "I'm busy."

The gang leader's face flamed with rage and his breath came in short, hoarse gasps.

"This is Tony Camonte, the boss," he gritted, his mouth close to the crack where the door met the jamb. "I want to see you now. If you don't come out. I'll send for a pass-key and come in."

He drew back again and his grip on the automatic tightened. He heard muffled sounds of stirring within the room and a feminine giggle. And he muttered an awful curse under his breath as the key turned in the lock. The door swung open.

"Say, Chief, what the hell's the matter with you, anyway?" demanded Mike Rinaldo's voice.

Then Mike himself appeared. His coat and vest were off, his collar open at the throat. His handsome dark face was flushed and his oily black hair tousled. His appearance alone was enough, under the circumstances, to give Tony the final impulse to murder, to furnish the igniting spark for the ready powder. Surprised and angry, Mike turned to face his employer.

Tony's right hand snapped up and the ugly black barrel of the automatic centered steadily on the gunman's body a few inches above his shining gold belt buckle.

“You rat!” snarled Tony. “You picked the wrong dame this time.”

The two pairs of cold, hard, expressionless eyes, murderers’ eyes both, met, clashed. Then Mike's widened at something he saw in those of his em­ployer. He was staring death in the face and he realized it. His right hand darted for his hip. But he hadn't a chance; Tony didn't dare give him a chance. Under any other conditions, Tony would have been glad to meet him on even terms, but now the great gang leader felt that he dare not take any risks. He must make sure, because of that girl in there.

In the language of their kind, Tony “let him have it.” The shots roared out. Half a dozen of them. Yet so close together that they seemed to merge into a single explosion as they reverberated down the hall. Mike's jaw dropped and he gazed stupidly at his murderer through the haze of a bluish smoke. Then he passed a trembling hand bewilderedly over his suddenly ashen face and with a gasp abruptly sagged to the floor. Half a dozen spots of red had appeared on his hitherto spotless white shirt-front. Tony watched with interest as they enlarged, then finally merged into one big stain that grew bigger.

Suddenly Tony laughed, a little hysterically. Then he became aware that the girl inside the room was screaming madly. That screaming cleared his head like a dash of cold water. With his foot, he moved the body beyond the doorway, then walked into the room. A beautiful dark girl, clad in pink silk lingerie and with a dress clutched in her hands, stood there shrieking.

Her eyes dilated with terror as she saw him come in and she backed away, lifting one hand as if to ward off an attack. Tony stared at her a moment, feeling the bitter agony of coals of fire being heaped upon his head. His sister! To be found like that! But he was thankful that she didn't recognize him.

“Shut up!” he snapped. “Get your dress on and get out of here before the cops come.”

“You murdered him!” she moaned. “Oh, you beast! You murdered him!”

The bitter irony of the situation cut Tony to the quick. Reviled by his own sister for having saved her from the rapacity of one of his gunmen! He wanted to take her in his arms, comfort her, ex­plain everything to her, warn her. But he didn't dare. He realized that the knowledge that he was the notorious Tony Camonte would kill his mother. No, his family believed him dead; he must remain dead so far as they knew.

"Shut up!" he commanded with vicious emphasis. "And get out of here!"

Sobbing hysterically, she wriggled into the dress and donned her hat and coat. He took her arm but she flinched away from him and hurried to the doorway. There she paused and swayed un­steadily. Her horrified gaze had seen the bloody heap that was Mike. With a piercing scream she collapsed across the body, frantically kissing the ghastly face.

His own emotions stretched to the breaking point, Tony picked her up roughly and shoved her toward the elevator.

"Get out!" he gritted. "And stay out! And keep your mouth shut!"

She gazed back at him, deathly pale, wide-eyed with terror.

"I hope they hang you!" she cried, and began to run, sobbing in great choking gasps.

She passed the closed elevator door and con­tinued on to the stairway. Tony heard her rapid clicking footsteps and breathless, catching sobs die away. Then he went back and stared down at the body.

"Too bad, Mike," he said in a low tone, as if the inert figure of the dead gangster could hear. "But it had to be done."

He walked into the bedroom and picked up the telephone.

"Mike just died," he said dully, when the clerk answered. "I'll see about arrangements later. Tell all the boys that if some nosey dicks come around, they ain't got the slightest idea what was the name of the dame who came up here to-night with Mike, See? It's curtains for the guy that squeals her name to anbody, hear?" he added viciously. "Tell 'em that, too."

The sharp thud of the telephone as he set it down on the little table penetrated the fog that seemed to have come up around his perceptions since that hoodlum in the lobby had identified Mike's new girl. Well, she was gone now, anyway. If anything happened; she would be clear of it. He realized that the night's events would kill his mother. But she wouldn't know. What a blessing it was that most people actually knew so little.

He walked to the doorway and stared down at Mike's body again. Suddenly his eyes snapped and he hurled the automatic down. It struck the body then bounced away across the hall and lay still, an unerring instrument of death.

The other killings that Tony had perpetrated had given him a thrill, a sharp, exhilarating sense of triumph, of having outwitted and conquered enemies who would willingly have done the same to him. But he felt none of that now. He was dazed, shaky, and very tired. He felt suddenly old. It seemed as if he had lived a century and yet. And yet, it must be less than fifteen minutes.

He turned and went slowly upstairs to his private office. Sinking into the comfortable chair behind his big desk, he rested his elbows on its polished walnut surface and let his head fall for­ward into his hands.

How long he had been sitting there that way he didn't know. But he realized suddenly that the spacious room was filling with men. He looked up, to find Captain Flanagan, his revolver drawn, staring down at him with a grim little smile lurking around the corners of his hard mouth.

"Well, Tony, I guess we got you this time, with the goods," said Flanagan with relish. "So you killed Mike Rinaldo over a dame."

Tony stiffened and sat up straight, his eyes blaz­ing as he stared at the crowd of officers. Who had squealed?

"Take it easy, Tony," growled Flanagan warningly, sensing the gang leader's sudden arousal. "You're comin' to the D.A.'s office with us. Stick out your mitts!"

There was a metallic rattle as another detective stepped forward with a pair of handcuffs. Tony stared at them. Then an expression of disgust crossed his face and he looked up at Flanagan again with his usual defiant pride flooding back into his face and manner.

"You don't need no bracelets for me!" he snapped. "I'm no cheap second-story man. I'll go with you, anywhere you want to take me, but I'm goin' to call a mouthpiece to come down and see that I get my rights."

He reached for the telephone but one of the of­ficers snatched it away from him. Half a dozen others closed in on him, their attitude obviously menacing. And Flanagan had lifted the muzzle of his revolver until it pointed at Tony's chest.

"Oh, you're goin', all right! " said the burly chief of detectives, seeming oddly elated. "And you're goin' to wear the bracelets. We ain't takin' no chances. Ain't often we get a chance to pinch a big shot like you," he added sarcastically, with a nasty grin. "And you ain't callin' nobody till after you been to the D.A.'s office."

"Listen, Flanagan, I'm due for all the breaks you guys can give me. The dough I've paid—"

"Don't know a thing about it, Tony," lied the chief of detectives glibly. "Anyway, I've heard that you haven't been so liberal since you got to be so strong."

Which was true. Now that he and his gang held undisputed sway over the booze racket and certain other underworld activities of the big city, he had trimmed the amounts that he paid out for protection. No use throwing away any more dough than you had to. If there were no other gangs that the authorities could throw their allegiance to, they'd ride along for smaller “bits.”

They handcuffed him none too gently and led him downstairs. Tony had a glimpse of his gangsters congregating in the lobby staring at the party with amazed hate. And the realization that his men had seen their master led out by the police, trussed like a common small-time burglar, galled him much more than the trouble ahead.

He was hurried outside and pushed into one of the three big squad cars that had brought the party out from the detective bureau and which were now parked at the curb, guarded by half a dozen other officers, armed with small machine-guns. The whole crowd acted as if they were executing a coup as daring as kidnaping Napoleon from the midst of his army.

The three big cars raced downtown, their shrieking sirens clearing a path and making people turn to stare. Tony's impenetrable silence masked a seething inward fury. Who had squealed? How had the dicks known about Mike's death so soon and how had they known who to pinch for it? It looked as if somebody, seeing a chance to “get” him, had taken advantage of the opportunity with all speed. But who? Well, one thing certain, they'd pay. It would be curtains for the guilty person.

Moran, the first assistant district attorney, was awaiting them in the prosecutor's offices on the second floor of the gloomy Criminal Courts building. And Tony grunted scornfully as he saw him. Mo­ran was a good prosecutor, all right, the best they had; but he was also the collector for his chief. Tony had paid him thousands. He was a tall, lean young man with icy blue eyes behind horn-rimmed glasses, and a nasty, cynical smile that held no mirth in it.

“Well, Camonte, what have you got to say for yourself?” he demanded.

“Nothing—here,” snapped Tony. “You must think I'm dumb.”

“Yes, I do.”

Tony's face flamed and the chain of the hand­cuffs rattled as his hands clenched and writhed.

"I want to talk to you alone, Moran," he gritted in a low tone.

Moran surveyed him a moment then produced a revolver and laid it on the desk close at hand.

"You fellows can wait in the outer office," he said to the crowd of detectives. "I'll call you when I want you." As they trooped out, he looked up at the gang leader with a deadly glance. "One false move, Camonte," he said coldly, "and I'll shoot you down like a dog."

“Yes, I believe you'd like to get the chance,” agreed Tony bitterly.

“It would save the state the expense of trying and hanging you.”

Tony laughed harshly. “Don't talk foolish! You couldn't convict me!”

“No? Well, watch us. Or rather, watch me. The Chief says I'm to prosecute.”

“Where is he?”

“At home, of course. You're not important enough to get him out of bed in the middle of the night to come down here and question you.”

“No? Well, I'm important enough to give him a nice big bit every month. And you, too. If anything happened to me, the gang would go to pieces and you wouldn't get those bits any longer.”

“If your gang was broken up, there'd be room for two or three other gangs, and each one of ’em would be glad to kick in with as much as you do. Competition is the life of trade, you know,” he added grimly.

“I could increase my bits,” suggested Tony shrewdly.

“Yes, but that wouldn't interest us now. Three or four gangs spread around the city are a lot more help to a political machine than just one. And you've never shown any interest in helping us build up the machine, anyway. No, Camonte, this is our chance to knock you off your throne and we're not going to miss it.”

Tony's face had frozen and his eyes glittered.

“Listen, Moran,” he said, and his voice held a cold, deadly venom that made the assistant district attorney flinch, "if you bring me to trial, you and the D. A. will both be mighty sorry, before it's all over."

"Are you threatening me?" blustered Moran.

“No. Just trying to keep you from making a fool of yourself.”

Moran laughed harshly, sarcastically.

"Leave that to us! I'll convict you, all right. The girl's testimony alone will—"

"What girl?" demanded Tony tensely.

"This Rosie Guarino, the one you killed Mike over. She's the one that turned you up for the job and she's volunteered to testify. Women! They're the ruination of all you Wops. I guess you didn't know that this dame and Mike had been secretly married down at Crown Point a week ago."

So that was what they thought, that he had killed Mike because of jealousy. No wonder Flan­agan had looked at him with contempt. And she and Mike had been married. Good God! He had had no right to— But how could he know, with Mike's past what it was?

Weary and bewildered, his mind a confused maze, Tony was led away to a cell.

Saturday, 8 November 2025

Saturday's Good Reading: "Phantoms" by Adelaide Anne Procter (in English).

Back, ye Phantoms of the Past
 In your dreary caves remain:
What have I to do with memories
 Of a long-forgotten pain?

For my Present is all peaceful,
 And my Future nobly planned:
Long ago Time's mighty billows
 Swept your footsteps from the sand.

Back into your caves; nor haunt me
 With your voices full of woe;
I have buried grief and sorrow
 In the depths of Long-ago.

See the glorious clouds of morning
 Roll away, and clear and bright
Shine the rays of cloudless daylight:—
 Wherefore will ye moan of night?

Never shall my heart be burthened
 With its ancient woe and fears;
I can drive them from my presence,
 I can check these foolish tears.

Back, ye Phantoms; leave, O leave me,
 To a new and happy lot;
Speak no more of things departed;
 Leave me—for I know ye not.

Can it be that 'mid my gladness
 I must ever hear you wail,
Of the grief that wrung my spirit,
 And that made my cheek so pale?

Joy is mine; but your sad voices
 Murmur ever in mine ear:
Vain is all the Future's promise,
 While the dreary Past is here.

Vain, O worse than vain, the Visions
 That my heart, my life, would fill,
If the Past's relentless phantoms
 Call upon me still!

Friday, 7 November 2025

Friday's Sung Word: "Colibri" by Ary Barroso

Assim como o colibri - i, i, i, i, i,
Que vai de flor em flor - ô, ô, ô, ô,
Pelo meu jardim
Você também vai
De amor em amor
Não sobra nem um tiquinho pra mim

Pelo amor de seu amor
O meu coração
Tem sofrido em vão
Agora posso acreditar
Que o seu maior prazer
É me ver penar.

 

You can listen "Colibri" sung by Odete Amaral and the Diabos do Céu here

Thursday, 6 November 2025

Thursday's Serial: “Journal Spirituel” by Sœur Marie de Saint-Pierre (in French) - I.

 

1

NAISSANCE ET JEUNESSE

« Malgré toute la répugnance que j'éprouve à écrire des choses qui me regardent personnellement, cependant je ne laisserai pas de me soumettre à l'obéissance. Je le ferai avec l’aide du saint Enfant-Jésus, à qui j’ai mis ma plume dans la petite main, le priant de bien vouloir écrire lui-même les grâces précieuses qu’il m’a faites, et mes malices qui l’ont tant offensé, afin que Dieu son Père soit glorifié d’avoir par sa puissance fait venir un si beau fruit à la gloire de son Nom [1] dans une si mauvaise terre, couverte de ronces et des épines du péché et des imperfections dont mon âme est remplie. C’est donc aux pieds de l’Enfant-Jésus dans la crèche que je vais faire ce petit recueil pour vous obéir, ma très Révérende Mère ».[2]

 

NAISSANCE

« Je suis née le 4 octobre 1816, jour remarquable de la mort de notre sainte mère Thérèse, et fête de saint François d'Assise, dont ma mère portait le nom. Je fus baptisée dans l'église Saint-Germain de Rennes. J'eus pour patrons saint Pierre et saint François d'Assise. Ma pauvre mère eut en ce jour de sa fête un triste bouquet en mettant au monde une petite fille qui devait lui causer tant de sollicitudes par ses maladies et ses méchancetés.

Elle me confia aux soins d'une nourrice qui était une excellente personne; mais un mois après ma naissance, il arriva un accident qui aurait dû me donner la mort, sans une protection toute spéciale de Dieu. Ma nourrice, étant sortie un instant, m'avait laissée au berceau. Un de ses petits enfants me prit dans ses bras et me mit auprès du feu, voulant sans doute me chauffer; mais je lui échappai des bras, et je tombai dans le feu. J'ai toujours conservé sur la figure une marque de cet incident. Ma mère, désolée, me retira des mains de cette femme.

Je vais maintenant faire connaître un de mes premiers traits de malice. Lorsque je fus devenue un peu plus grande, on me raconta l'accident qui m'était arrivé. Voilà qu'un jour cette pauvre bonne femme, ma nourrice, vint me voir. Je la reçus en lui disant malicieusement :

— “Vous m'avez déjà brûlé une joue; venez-vous aujourd'hui pour me fricasser l'autre ? ”

À l'âge de quatre ans, je fus atteinte de la fièvre scarlatine, qui me mit aux portes de la mort. Mes parents m'ont dit que j'avais été dix-neuf jours en danger, sans rien prendre, excepté un petit verre de cidre: ce qui faisait rire mon père, quand il me parlait de cette maladie, où un breuvage si contraire à mon état m'avait soutenu et conservé la vie.

Dès que ma raison commença à se développer, mes bons parents, qui étaient d’une éminente piété, me donnèrent une pieuse éducation. Mais j'avais un très mauvais caractère; j'étais colère, entêtée et très légère. Ma pieuse mère me menait souvent à l’église; mais ma légèreté me faisait tourner la tête pour voir ce qui s'y passait. Quand j’avais fait ainsi paraître de la dissipation et que je n'avais pas été fidèle aux recommandations de ma mère, elle me punissait sévèrement. On me conduisit à confesse à six ans et demi, pour me faire accuser de toutes mes fautes. J'étais si jalouse de ma petite sœur, qu'on fut obligé de l'éloigner de moi pour quelque temps.

Avec tous ces défauts, qui me rendaient si désagréable, j'avais encore beaucoup d'orgueil et d'amour-propre. Ma mère disait une fois devant mon père, pour m'humilier :

— “Ah ! bien sûr, cette petite fille-là n'est point la nôtre; certainement elle a été changée en nourrice: il n'est pas possible que notre enfant soit aussi méchante que l'est celle-ci”.

Ce langage ne me plaisait guère; je ne savais trop qu'en penser; je ne savais trop qu’en penser. Pourtant je remportai une victoire sur mon orgueil. Tous les jours il passait devant la maison un pauvre, mal vêtu, et qui était aveugle; il avait besoin quelquefois, au détour de la rue, qu'une main charitable le guidât pour le mettre dans son chemin. Déjà mes parents m'avaient invitée à lui rendre ce service; mais mon orgueil y sentait une extrême répugnance. Enfin un jour je me fis une grande violence, et, prenant ce bonhomme par le bras, je l'ai conduit et le mis en bonne route. Il m'a semblé alors avoir fait une action des plus héroïques. Quand j'avais été méchante et que mes parents me punissaient, je ne me révoltais point contre eux, car je voyais que cela me faisait du bien, et je sentais des touches de la grâce qui me reprochaient ma malice.

De plus, on me donna une connaissance toute particulière de la très sainte Vierge, en me rapportant des exemples de la protection de cette bonne Mère; cela toucha mon cœur. Je me mis à l'invoquer, et je devins meilleure. Je commençai à goûter la prière, et je n'avais plus de pénitence à subir en revenant de la grand-messe les dimanches, parce que j'étais plus sage; et quand quelque chose de répugnant se présentait, je me faisais violence pour ne point raisonner, et je disais : Mon Dieu ! je vous offre cela en expiation de mes péchés.[3]

 

ENFANCE

Envoyée par mes bons parents au catéchisme des petits enfants de la paroisse, j'ai goûté les instructions, et, ma conduite étant plus édifiante, les compliments succédèrent bientôt aux reproches que j'étais habituée à recevoir. On disait à ma mère devant moi :

— “Madame, votre petite fille se tient à l'église comme une personne de quarante ans”.

Mais je crois que ces récits me donnaient encore de l'amour propre. Je me suis mise à faire le chemin de Croix. La lecture des souffrances de Notre-Seigneur me touchait vivement le cœur; car je pensais que mes péchés étaient cause de ses douleurs, et je disais contrite :

— O mon Sauveur, avez-vous vu au moins, pendant votre passion, qu'un jour je me convertirais et serais toute à vous ?

Je baisais la terre à chaque station. Alors je rentrais à la maison avec de la poussière sur le visage, et Notre-Seigneur permit que cet acte de piété m'attirât une légère humiliation: quand ma sœur était fâchée avec moi, elle m'appelait «nez crotté»; ce qui mettait ma faible vertu à grande épreuve, car cette petite raillerie me déplaisait beaucoup.

La grâce m'attirait fortement à Dieu; mais je n'étais pas constante dans le bien: je tombais et je me relevais. Je ne sais par quelle occasion j'entendis parler d'une sorte d'oraison appelée mentale, plus agréable à Dieu que la prière vocale. J'eus envie de faire cette oraison. Je dis donc:

— Je ne vais point parler en disant ma prière, et cela fera une oraison mentale.

Mais, lorsque j'avais fini, l'inquiétude me prenait de n'avoir point fait ma prière du matin ou du soir. Notre-Seigneur, voyant mon désir, m'inspira de penser à ses souffrances et à mes péchés: alors je pleurais amèrement, et Notre-Seigneur permit que, un peu plus tard, j'entendisse un sermon qui traitait tout entier de la méditation. J'ouvris mes oreilles et mon cœur à un si heureux sujet, joyeuse de savoir faire l'oraison.

Par la miséricorde de Dieu, mon cœur était vraiment touché de la grâce. Je reçus avec une grande dévotion ce divin Sauveur que j'avais tant offensé dans mon enfance, et je me donnai tout entière à Lui. On m'administra le sacrement de confirmation le même jour, et je fus revêtue du saint scapulaire pour me mettre sous la protection de cette tendre Mère, à qui je devais ma conversion. Mon confesseur, voyant que j'étais tout à fait changée, m'accorda la grâce de communier de nouveau dans le courant de l'année, et ce bon père commença, lui aussi, à s'émerveiller du changement que la grâce opérait en mon âme. Il me le disait; mais quand il m'avait dit de si belles choses sur ce sujet, il m'humiliait beaucoup. Comme je n'avais guère d'humilité, j'aurais autant aimé ne pas recevoir de louanges, afin de n'être point humiliée ensuite. Notre-Seigneur, qui veillait sur moi, me soumit à une rude épreuve, bien capable de chasser pour toujours l'orgueil de mon cœur; il voulut me purifier par des peines intérieures.

Le démon voyant que sa proie lui avait échappé, fit sur moi les derniers efforts: se trouvant chassé de sa demeure, il alla chercher, comme le dit l'Évangile [4], sept esprits plus méchants, pour s'efforcer de rentrer dans ses droits. Alors je fus attaquée de mille tentations. L'esprit couvert de ténèbres, l'âme rongée d'inquiétude par les scrupules, je croyais commettre des péchés à chaque instant; je n'avais plus de repos. Si j'écoutais un sermon, le démon me sifflait aux oreilles des jurements et des blasphèmes; les mauvaises pensées me martyrisaient l'esprit. Je n'avais alors que douze ans. Les péchés de ma vie passée me revenaient en souvenir: il me semblait que je ne les avais point confessés. La confession me paraissait une chose presque impossible, parce que je me perdais dans la longueur de mon examen, et je ne me croyais jamais assez préparée quand mon tour venait d'entrer au confessionnal; je m'en allais, l'âme remplie de peines. Je ne trouvais plus de consolation dans la prière, car je croyais la mal faire et je recommençais continuellement ce que j'avais dit. Cette répétition était aussi ridicule que fatigante. Mon confesseur faisait tout ce qu'il pouvait pour me rassurer et me consoler; mais, étant si jeune et n'ayant point d'expérience sur ces sortes de tentations, je ne lui faisais pas assez connaître l'étendue de ma misère. Le bon Dieu, pendant ce temps d'épreuve, purifiait mon âme; j'étais bien éloignée alors d'avoir de l'amour propre.[5]

 

ORPHELINE

Notre-Seigneur m'affligea aussi d'une manière bien sensible en attirant à Lui ma pauvre mère, que j'aimais beaucoup. Dès qu'elle eut expiré, je me suis rappelée avoir entendu dire que sainte Thérèse avait douze ans comme moi quand elle perdit sa mère, et comme elle aussi j'ai prié la très sainte Vierge de vouloir bien me servir de mère, pour remplacer celle qui venait de m'être enlevée. La très sainte Vierge exauça ma prière: car j'ai toujours ressenti depuis, d'une façon toute spéciale, sa maternelle protection. » [6]

Je continuai d'aller au grand catéchisme plusieurs années. Le vicaire qui le faisait était fort capable; il est maintenant évêque[7]. Je crois qu'il voyait bien le triste état de mon âme; mais comme il ne me confessait pas, il ne me donnait point de consolation. Cependant il m'avait appris à faire l'oraison par le sermon dont j'ai parlé, et, plus tard, il me fut bien utile. [8]

La fête du catéchisme approchait. On choisit trois filles pour faire, en forme de dialogue, une conférence publique. J'étais du nombre. On nous donna à chacune notre rôle à apprendre. Deux petites demoiselles étaient chargées de me consulter au sujet des plaisirs du monde; elles devaient me les vanter beaucoup, et moi je devais leur en montrer le néant et la vanité. A la fin, une des deux terminait en me disant que mon discours lui faisait connaître que j'avais sans doute fait voeu de pauvreté, et que je serais peut-être un jour carmélite. Grâce au Seigneur, je reçus, en effet, plus tard cette vocation; les deux jeunes filles restèrent dans le monde et se marièrent.

 

JEUNESSE

Il plut enfin à Dieu de me délivrer de mes peines intérieures. Voici de quelle manière:

Une pieuse demoiselle, qui connaissait ma position, eut la charité d'en parler à mon confesseur, qui était aussi le sien. Un jour que je devais entrer dans le confessionnal après elle, trouvant encore que ma préparation n'était pas assez bien faite, je me lève pour m'en aller; mais je fus bien étonnée lorsque j'entendis mon confesseur ouvrir sa porte, et m'appeler en m'intimant l'ordre d'entrer sans délai et de commencer tout de suite. Je m'excusai sur ce que mon examen n'était point fait, et que je n'avais pas assez de contrition; mais il n'écouta point mes raisons. Alors je me soumis à l'obéissance; je reçus l'absolution, et mon confesseur me dit :

— Ma fille, soyez sûre que cette confession est une des meilleures de votre vie”.

Ensuite il me défendit expressément de recommencer plusieurs fois mes prières, et il me donna une règle à suivre au sujet des scrupules qui m'affligeaient. Le Seigneur me fit la grâce de me soumettre, le démon fut vaincu par l'obéissance; toutes mes inquiétudes s'évanouirent comme de la fumée, et le calme revint dans mon cœur. Approchant alors avec une humble confiance et sans trouble de notre divin Sauveur dans le sacrement de son amour, j'en ressentis bientôt de grands effets: mon âme fut inondée de consolations. Je recevais aussi de grandes grâces en assistant au saint sacrifice de la messe; quand le moment de la consécration était arrivé, j'avais bien de la peine à contenir mes transports pour que personne ne s'en aperçût. Mon application à Dieu était continuelle ». [9]

« Ma bonne tante m'avait placée auprès d'elle dans un petit coin, où j'étais, en travaillant, comme dans une petite cellule, séparée des autres jeunes personnes; elles ne troublaient point mon repos et ne s'apercevaient point des opérations de la grâce dans mon âme, car rien ne pouvait me distraire de la conversation intérieure que j'entretenais avec Notre-Seigneur. Je faisais souvent la communion spirituelle; cet exercice allumait dans mon cœur le feu de l'amour divin, qui, au milieu de mon travail, me transportait si fort, qu'il m'était quelquefois difficile de le contenir. Notre-Seigneur me fit la grâce d'être reçue dans la congrégation de la très sainte Vierge, dont ma bonne tante était une des supérieures. [10]

Après le temps des épreuves, je fus admise par le conseil à faire ma consécration. Ah! que ce jour fut délicieux pour mon cœur! Cette cérémonie rappelait ma première communion: j'étais, comme ce jour, vêtue de blanc, un cierge à la main. Là, devant le directeur et un autre ecclésiastique, et en présence de mes nouvelles sœurs, qui étaient au nombre de cinq cents, je renouvelai les voeux de mon baptême; je promis de garder fidèlement les règles, et je me consacrai à la très sainte Vierge, ma bonne mère. Cette congrégation était établie pour les ouvrières; on n'y faisait aucun voeu; mais il y avait un règlement plein de sagesse, propre à conserver la piété dans le cœur des jeunes personnes, et tous les quinze jours le supérieur faisait d'excellentes instructions. [11]

Les douceurs firent place à la sécheresse, aux aridités intérieurs. Cet état me parut fort étrange. Hé quoi! ne plus sentir aimer le bon Dieu!... N'ayant point d'instruction sur ces voies de la grâce, je pensai qu'à force d'application j'allais encore goûter la joie ineffable de ces transports d'amour  dont j'avais été favorisée ; mais ces vains efforts ne servaient qu'à me faire tomber malade.

Je parlai à mon confesseur, qui ne s'en émut pas. Il me dit  que ma première ferveur reviendrait; mais comme je ne goûtais plus de consolations, ingrate envers mon bienfaiteur, je me relâchai dans la voie de la perfection; mon misérable cœur se retourna vers les créatures. Je n'étais pas tranquille; quoique mes fautes ne fussent pas graves, elles me nuisaient beaucoup, parce que Notre-Seigneur demandait de moi une grande générosité. » [12]

Bien que je reçusse d'excellents conseils de mon nouveau confesseur, je n'en devenais pas meilleure. A l'âge de dix-sept ans environ, les vains attraits du monde commençaient à me sourire. Tiède dans le service de Dieu, je me livrais à la dissipation et à la recherche dans la toilette. Mais ce qui me causa le plus de tort, fut d'avoir laissé la pratique de l'oraison, secours si utile à l'âme pour vaincre les passions. Depuis la mort de ma mère, ma sœur aînée était à la tête de la maison; moi, toujours orgueilleuse, je ne voulais point me soumettre à son autorité et lui faisais souvent de petites peines. Ma conscience me reprochait fortement mes infidélités: je me rappelais ces jours heureux de mon adolescence pendant lesquels, fidèle à ce Dieu de bonté, j'étais comblée d'ineffables délices. Je désirais revenir à lui; mais mon âme était comme enchaînée par ses mauvais penchants.

Enfin j'eus recours à celle qu'on n'invoque jamais en vain, à Marie, ma tendre mère, à laquelle je m'étais consacrée.

La fête de la Purification approchait. Je m’y préparai par une neuvaine; je célébrai ce beau jour avec une grande pitié, et j’offris même un cierge pour être brûlé devant l’autel de Marie. Aussitôt je sentis mon cœur tout touché, mes liens brisés. Je reconnus qu’il y avait nécessité pour moi de revenir à mon ancien confesseur.

— Ah ! mon père, depuis que je vous ai quitté, la vertu a fui loin de moi ; je vous supplie de prendre de nouveau soin de mon âme.

Il me reçu comme le père de l’enfant prodigue, avec une grande charité. Je suivis peu après une retraite de huit jours dans une maison religieuse où prêchaient des missionnaires. C'était là que la divine miséricorde m'attendait. J'avais prié la très sainte Vierge avec ferveur pour l'heureux résultat de ma retraite; mes voeux furent exaucés. La grâce agissait fortement dans mon âme, aussi les instructions des bons missionnaires produisirent sur moi la plus salutaire impression. Je fis une confession générale, et voyant clairement tous mes péchés et la bonté de Dieu que j'avais si longtemps méprisée, puis considérant les plaies de mon crucifix, qui semblaient me reprocher ma perfidie, je sentis mon cœur blessé par un trait de contrition des plus vifs; mes yeux versèrent d'abondantes larmes, et je promis à mon Dieu une inviolable fidélité ». [13]

 

[1] Allusion à l’Œuvre de la Réparation des blasphèmes.

[2] Il s’agit de Mère Marie de l’Incarnation.

[3] Document A; page 3.

[4] Luc 11; 24-26.

[5] Document A. Repris sur «La Vie de Sœur Saint-Pierre», par l'abbé Janvier. Monastère du Carmel; Paris Larcher; 1884. 2ème Édition.

[6] Document A. “La Vie de Sœur Saint-Pierre”, par l'abbé Janvier. Monastère du Carmel; 1884.

[7] Il s'agit de Monseigneur de la Hailandière, devenu évêque de Vincennes en Amérique. Il revint plus tard à Rennes. (Indication de l'abbé Janvier op. cité).

[8] Document A.

[9] Document A; page 8.

[10] Document A; page 9.

[11] Document A; page 9.

[12] Document A; page 10.

[13] Vie manuscrite; page 17.