ACT IV
Scene 1 - Enter Dorias, with a casket in her hand.
DORIAS – (to herself) So may the Gods bless me, but from what I have seen, I'm terribly afraid that this mad fellow will be guilty of some disturbance to-day or of some violence to Thais. For when this young man, the brother of the damsel, arrived, she begged the Captain to order him to be admitted; he immediately began to get into a passion, and yet didn't dare refuse; Thais still insisted that he would invite the man in. This she did for the sake of detaining him; because there was no opportunity just then of telling him what she wanted to disclose about her sister. He was invited in, and took his seat. Then she entered into discourse with him. But the Captain, fancying it was a rival brought before his very eyes, wanted in his turn to mortify her: "Hark you, boy," said he, "go fetch Pamphila, that she may amuse us here." She exclaimed, "At a banquet! Certainly not." The Captain still persisted to a downright quarrel. Meanwhile my mistress secretly took off her golden jewels, and gave them to me to take away: this is a sign, I'm sure, that she'll betake herself from there as soon as she possibly can. (goes into the house)
Scene 2 - Enter Phaedria.
PHAEDRIA – (to himself) While I was going into the country, I began on the road, as it mostly happens when there is any anxiety on the mind, to reflect with myself upon one thing after another, and upon every thing in the worst light. What need of words? While I was musing thus, inadvertently I passed my country-house. I had already got some distance from it, when I perceived this; I returned again, really feeling quite uneasy; when I came to the very turning that leads to the house, I came to a stop, and began to reason with myself; "What! must I stay here alone for two days without her? Well, and what then? It's nothing at all. What? Nothing at all? Well now, if I haven;t the privilege of touching her, am I not even to have that of seeing her? If I may not do the one, at least I may the other. Surely to love at a distance even, is better than nothing at all." I purposely passed the house. But how's this, that Pythias is suddenly hurrying out in such a fright? (Stands apart)
Scene 3 - Enter PYTHIAS and DORIAS in haste from the house of Thais.
PYTHIAS – (aloud) Where, wretch that I am, shall I find this wicked and impious fellow? Or where look for him? That he should dare to commit so audacious a crime as this! I'm ruined outright!
PHAEDRIA – (apart) I dread what this may be.
PYTHIAS - Besides, too, the villain, after he had abused the girl, rent all the poor thing's clothes, and tore her hair as well.
PHAEDRIA – (apart, in surprise) Ha!
PYTHIAS - If he were just now in my reach, how eagerly would I fly at that villain's eyes with my nails!
PHAEDRIA – (apart) Really I can't imagine what disturbance has happened to us at home in my absence. I'll accost them. Going up to them. What's the matter? Why in such haste? Or whom are you looking for, Pythias?
PYTHIAS - Why, Phaedria, whom should I be looking for? Away with you, as you deserve, with such fine presents of yours.
PHAEDRIA – What is the matter?
PYTHIAS - What, do you ask? The Eunuch you gave us, what confusion he has caused. He has ravished the girl whom the Captain made present of to my mistress.
PHAEDRIA – What is it you say?
PYTHIAS - I'm ruined outright!
PHAEDRIA – You are drunk.
PYTHIAS - I wish that they were so, who wish ill to me.
DORIAS - Oh, prithee, my dear Pythias, what a monstrous thing this is!
PHAEDRIA – You are out of your senses. How could a Eunuch possibly do this?
PYTHIAS - I know nothing about him: as to what he has done, the thing speaks for itself. The girl is in tears; and when you ask her what's the matter, she does not dare tell. But he, a precious fellow, is nowhere to be seen. To my sorrow I suspect too, that when he took himself off he carried something away from the house.
PHAEDRIA – I can not enough wonder, whither this varlet can possibly have betaken himself to any distance from here; unless perhaps he has returned home to our house.
PYTHIAS - Pray, go and see whether he is there.
PHAEDRIA – I'll let you know immediately. (Goes into the house of Laches)
DORIAS - Ruined outright! Prithee, my dear, I never did so much as hear of a deed so abominable!
PYTHIAS - Why, faith, I had heard that they were extremely fond of the women, but were incapable; unfortunately what has happened never came into my mind; otherwise I should have shut him up somewhere, and not have intrusted the girl to him.
Scene 4 - Enter Phaedria from the house of Laches, with Dorus in Chaerea's clothes.
PHAEDRIA – (dragging him out) Come out, you villain! What, do you lag behind, you runaway? Out with you, you sorry bargain!
DORUS – (crying out) Mercy, I do entreat you!
PHAEDRIA – Oh, do look at that! How the villain distorts his face. What means your coming back hither? Why this change of dress? What have you to say? If I had delayed a moment, Pythias, I shouldn't have found him at home: he had just prepared, in this fashion, for flight. Pointing at his dress.
PYTHIAS - Have you caught the fellow, pray?
PHAEDRIA – Caught him, why not?
PYTHIAS - O well done!
DORIAS - Upon my faith that really is capital!
PYTHIAS - Where is he?
PHAEDRIA – Do you ask the question? Don't you see him? (pointing to the Eunuch)
PYTHIAS – (staring about) See whom, pray?
PHAEDRIA – This fellow, to be sure pointing .
PYTHIAS - What person is this?
PHAEDRIA – The same that was brought to your house to-day.
PYTHIAS - Not one of our people has ever beheld this person with her eyes, Phaedria.
PHAEDRIA – Not beheld him?
PYTHIAS - Prithee, did you fancy that this was he who was brought to our house?
PHAEDRIA – Why, I had no other.
PYTHIAS - O dear! this one really isn't to be compared with the other. He was of a handsome and genteel appearance.
PHAEDRIA – He seemed so, just then, because he was decked out in party-colored clothes:1 now he appears ugly, for this reason--because he hasn't got them on.
PYTHIAS - Prithee, do hold your tongue; as though indeed the difference was so trifling. A young man was brought to our house to-day, whom, really, Phaedria, you would have liked to look upon. This is a withered, antiquated, lethargic, old fellow, with a speckled complexion.
PHAEDRIA – (starting) Hah! What tale is this? You'll so befool me that I sha'n't know what I bought. (to Dorus) How now, sirrah, did I not buy you?
DORUS – You did buy me.
PYTHIAS - Bid him answer me in my turn.
PHAEDRIA – Question him.
PYTHIAS – (to Dorus) Did you come here to-day to our house? DORUS shakes his head. He says, no. But it was the other one that came, about sixteen years of age; whom Parmeno brought with him.
PHAEDRIA – (to Dortus) Well now, in the first place tell me this, where did you get that dress that you have on? What, are you silent? Monster of a fellow, are you not going to speak? Shakes him.
DORUS – Chaerea came.
PHAEDRIA – What, my brother?
DORUS – Yes.
PHAEDRIA – When?
DORUS – To-day.
PHAEDRIA – How long since?
DORUS – Just now.
PHAEDRIA – With whom?
DORUS – With Parmeno.
PHAEDRIA – Did you know him before?
DORUS – No.
PHAEDRIA – How did you know he was my brother?
DORUS – Parmeno said he was. He gave me these clothes.
PHAEDRIA – I'm undone!
DORUS – He himself put on mine; afterward, they both went out together.
PYTHIAS - Now are you quite satisfied that I am sober, and that we have told you no falsehood? Is it now sufficiently evident that the girl has been ravished?
PHAEDRIA – Avaunt, you beast, do you believe what he says?
PYTHIAS - What is there to believe? The thing speaks for itself.
PHAEDRIA – (apart to Dorus) Step aside a little this way. Do you hear? (Dorus steps aside) A little further still. That will do. Now tell me this once more; did Chaerea take your clothes off you?
DORUS – He did.
PHAEDRIA – And did he put them on?
DORUS – He did.
PHAEDRIA – And was he brought here instead of you?
DORUS – Yes.
PHAEDRIA – Great Jupiter! O wicked and audacious fellow!
PYTHIAS - Woe unto me! Now at last will you believe that we have been insulted in a disgraceful manner?
PHAEDRIA – It is no wonder that you believe what the fellow says. Aside. What I'm to do I know not. Aside to DORUS. Hark you, deny it all again. Aloud. Can I not this day extract the truth from you? Did you really see my brother Chaerea?
DORUS – No.
PHAEDRIA – He can't be brought to confess without being punished, I see: follow me this way. At one moment he affirms, at another denies. Aside. Ask pardon of me.
DORUS – Indeed, I do entreat you, Phaedria.
PHAEDRIA – (kicking him) Be off in-doors.
DORUS – Oh! oh!
PHAEDRIA – aside. How in any other fashion to get decently out of this I don't know; for really it's all up with me. Aloud, with pretended indignation. Will you be trifling with me even here, you knave? (foollows Dorus into the house)
PYTHIAS - I'm as certain that this is the contrivance of Parmeno as that I'm alive.
DORIAS - So it is, no doubt.
PYTHIAS - I'faith, I'll find out a method to-day to be even with him. But now, what do you think ought to be done, Dorias?
DORIAS - Do you mean with regard to this girl?
PYTHIAS - Yes; whether I ought to mention it or be silent?
DORIAS - Upon my word, if you are prudent, you won't know what you do know, either about the Eunuch or the girl's misfortune. By this method you'll both rid yourself of all perplexity, and have done a service to her. Say this only, that Dorus has run away.
PYTHIAS - I'll do so.
DORIAS - But don't I see Chremes? Thais will be here just now.
PYTHIAS - Why so?
DORIAS - Because when I came away from there, a quarrel had just commenced between them.
PYTHIAS - Take in these golden trinkets; I shall learn from him what's the matter. DORIAS takes the casket into the house.
Scene 5 - Enter Chremes, somewhat drunk.
CHREMES - Heyday! upon my faith, I've been bamboozled: the wine that I've drunk has got the upper hand. But, so long as I was reclining, how extremely sober I did seem to myself to be; when I got up, neither feet nor senses were quite equal to their duty.
PYTHIAS - Chremes!
CHREMES – (turning round) Who's that? What, Pythias; dear me, how much more charming you now seem to me than a short time since!
PYTHIAS - Troth now, you are much more merry, that's certain.
CHREMES - Upon my faith, it is a true saying, that "Venus grows cold without Ceres and Bacchus." But has Thais got here long before me?
PYTHIAS - Has she already come away from the Captain's?
CHREMES - A long time ago; an age since. There has been a most violent quarrel between them.
PYTHIAS - Did she say nothing about you following her?
CHREMES - Nothing at all; only, on going away, she gave me a nod.
PYTHIAS - Well now, wasn't that enough?
CHREMES - Why, I didn't know that she meant that, until the Captain gave me an explanation, because I was dull of comprehension; for he bundled me out of the house. But look, here she is; I wonder how it was I got here before her.
Scene 6 - Enter Thais.
THAIS – (to herself) I really do believe that he'll be here presently, to force her away from me. Let him come; but if he touches her with a single finger, that instant his eyes shall be torn out. I can put up with his impertinences and his high-sounding words, as long as they remain words: but if they are turned into realities, he shall get a drubbing.
CHREMES - Thais, I've been here some time.
THAIS – O my dear Chremes, you are the very person I was wanting. Are you aware that this quarrel took place on your account, and that the whole of this affair, in fact, bore reference to yourself?
CHREMES - To me? How so, pray?
THAIS – Because, while I've been doing my best to recover and restore your sister to you, this and a great deal more like it I've had to put up with.
CHREMES - Where is she?
THAIS – At home, at my house.
CHREMES – (starting) Hah!
THAIS – What's the matter? She has been brought up in a manner worthy of yourself and of her.
CHREMES - What is it you say?
THAIS – That which is the fact. Her I present to you, nor do I ask of you any return for her.
CHREMES - Thanks are both felt and shall be returned in such way, Thais, as you deserve.
THAIS – But still, take care, Chremes, that you don't lose her, before you receive her from me; for it is she, whom the Captain is now coming to take away from me by force. Do you go, Pythias, and bring out of the house the casket with the tokens.
CHREMES – (looking down the side Scene) Don't you see him, Thais?
PYTHIAS – (to Thais) Where is it put?
THAIS – In the clothes' chest. Tiresome creature, why do you delay? PYTHIAS goes into the house.
CHREMES - What a large body of troops the Captain is bringing with him against you. Bless me!
THAIS – Prithee, are you frightened, my dear sir?
CHREMES - Get out with you. What, I frightened? There's not a man alive less so.
THAIS – Then now is the time to prove it.
CHREMES - Why, I wonder what sort of a man you take me to be.
THAIS – Nay, and consider this too; the person that you have to deal with is a foreigner; of less influence than you, less known, and one that has fewer friends here.
CHREMES - I'm aware of that; but it's foolish to run the risk of what you are able to avoid. I had rather we should prevent it, than, having received an injury, avenge ourselves upon him. Do you go in and fasten the door, while I run across hence to the Forum; I should like us to have the aid of some legal adviser in this disturbance. Moves, as if going.
THAIS – (holding him) Stay.
CHREMES - Let me go, I'll be here presently.
THAIS – There's no occasion, Chremes. Only say that she is your sister, and that you lost her when a little girl, and have now recognized her; then show the tokens.
(Re-enter Pythias from the house, with the trinkets)
PYTHIAS – (giving them to Thais) Here they are.
THAIS – (giving them to Chremes) Take them. If he offers any violence, summon the fellow to justice; do you understand me?
CHREMES - Perfectly.
THAIS – Take care and say this with presence of mind.
CHREMES - I'll take care.
THAIS – Gather up your cloak. Aside. Undone! the very person whom I've provided as a champion, wants one himself. They all go into the house.
Scene 7 - Enter Thraso, followed by Gnatho, Sanga, and other Attendants.
THRASO - Am I to submit, Gnatho, to such a glaring affront as this being put upon me? I'd die sooner. Simalio, Donax, Syriscus, follow me! First, I'll storm the house.
GNATHO - Quite right.
THRASO - I'll carry off the girl.
GNATHO - Very good.
THRASO - I'll give her own self a mauling.
GNATHO - Very proper.
THRASO – (arranging the men) Advance hither to the main body, Donax, with your crowbar; you, Simalio, to the left wing; you, Syriscus, to the right. Bring up the rest; where's the centurion Sanga, and his maniple of rogues?
SANGA – (coming forward) See, here he is.
THRASO - What, you booby, do you think of fighting with a dish-clout, to be bringing that here?
SANGA – What, I? I knew the valor of the general, and the prowess of the soldiers; and that this could not possibly go on without bloodshed; how was I to wipe the wounds?
THRASO - Where are the others?
SANGA – Plague on you, what others? Sannio is the only one left on guard at home.
THRASO – (to Gnatho) Do you draw up your men in battle order; I'll be behind the second rank; from that position I'll give the word to all. Takes his place behind the second rank.
GNATHO – (aside) That's showing prudence; as soon as he has drawn them up, he secures a retreat for himself.
THRASO – (pointing to the arrangements) This is just the way Pyrrhus used to proceed.
(Chremes and Thais appear above at a window)
CHREMES - Do you see, Thais, what plan he is upon? Assuredly, that advice of mine about closing the door was good.
THAIS – He who now seems to you to be a hero, is in reality a mere vaporer; don't be alarmed.
THRASO – (to Gnatho) What seems best to you?
GNATHO - I could very much like a sling to be given you just now, that you might pelt them from here on the sly at a distance; they would be taking to flight.
THRASO – (to Gnatho) But look pointing , I see Thais there herself.
GNATHO - How soon are we to fall to?
THRASO - Hold holding him back ; it behooves a prudent person to make trial of every thing before arms. How do you know but that she may do what I bid her without compulsion?
GNATHO - Ye Gods, by our trust in you, what a thing it is to be wise! I never come near you but what I go away from you the wiser.
THRASO - Thais, in the first place, answer me this. When I presented you that girl, did you not say that you would give yourself up to me alone for some days to come?
THAIS – Well, what then?
THRASO - Do you ask the question? You, who have been and brought your lover under my very eyes? What business had you with him? With him, too, you clandestinely betook yourself away from me.
THAIS – I chose to do so.
THRASO - Then give me back Pamphila; unless you had rather she were taken away by force.
CHREMES - Give her back to you, or you lay hands upon her? Of all the----
GNATHO - Ha! What are you about? Hold your tongue.
THRASO - What do you mean? Am I not to touch my own?
CHREMES - Your own, indeed, you gallows-bird!
GNATHO – (to Chremes) Have a care, if you please. You don't know what kind of man you are abusing now.
CHREMES – (to Gnatho) Won't you be off from here? Do you know how matters stand with you? If you cause any disturbance here to-day, I'll make you remember the place, and day, and me too, for the rest of your life.
GNATHO - I pity you, who are making so great a man as this your enemy.
CHREMES - I'll break your head this instant if you are not off.
GNATHO - Do you really say so, puppy? Is it that you are at?
THRASO – (to Chremes) What fellow are you? What do you mean? What business have you with her?
CHREMES - I'll let you know: in the first place, I assert that she is a freeborn woman.
THRASO – (starting) Ha!
CHREMES - A citizen of Attica.
THRASO - Whew!
CHREMES - My own sister.
THRASO - Brazen face!
CHREMES - Now, therefore, Captain, I give you warning; don't you use any violence toward her. Thais, I'm going to Sophrona, the nurse, that I may bring her here and show her these tokens.
THRASO - What! Are you to prevent me from touching what's my own?
CHREMES - I will prevent it, I tell you.
GNATHO – (to Thraso) Do you hear him? He is convicting himself of theft. Is not that enough for you?
THRASO - Do you say the same, Thais?
THAIS – Go, find some one to answer you. (She and Chremes go away from the window)
THRASO – (to Gnatho) What are we to do now?
GNATHO - Why, go back again: she'll soon be with you, of her own accord, to entreat forgiveness.
THRASO - Do you think so?
GNATHO - Certainly, yes. I know the disposition of women: when you will, they won't; when you won't, they set their hearts upon you of their own inclination.
THRASO - You judge right.
GNATHO - Shall I dismiss the army then?
THRASO - Whenever you like.
GNATHO - Sanga, as befits gallant soldiers, take care in your turn to remember your homes and hearths.
SANGA – My thoughts have been for some time among the sauce-pans.
GNATHO - You are a worthy fellow.
THRASO – (putting himself at their head) You follow me this way. (all leaves)
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